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| This is what every list should look like, America on Top. |
“If you ain’t first, you’re last.” These are the words of the 21st century
philosopher Richard Bobby, and I for one couldn’t agree more. Quick, who lost the 2009 NCAA
Basketball Championship game? I think it was Michigan State, but the point is,
it doesn’t matter (and I probably know more than you about sports facts). They didn’t win, so they must have
lost. It’s pure sensible logic. My favorite winner’s mentality is
without a doubt UCLA. They only
hang banners for National Championships.
Anything less thusly, is not important. That is the reason they have more National Championships
than any other school. They have
the winner’s mentality. You know
who used to have a winner’s mentality? America. Guess who’s losing its edge? America.
According to the latest UN study America is no longer the #1
fattest developed nation. You know
who is, Mexico, freaking Mexico.
You know that country that we think so little of its culture, that we
only allow them to make food using 5 ingredients: beef (allegedly), flour,
cheese, rice, and beans. Seriously
that’s who beat us. Some may look
to our economy as the reason for our falling status; others may point to the
National Debt, while some may point to the opposite end of one’s political
spectrum. None of those answers
are correct. The reason America is
slipping is because we no longer have a winner’s mentality. We now have to listen to people say,
“Hey our culture is no better than theirs!” Uhhhh, yeah it is.
And the fact that you would say such nonsense is why we are
falling. If our culture is no
better, why were they so eager to get here? Oh that’s right because it’s better here. Shut up and go polish your
participation trophy. Just take a look at this list.
Even worse look who is only .2% behind us, Syria. You know the country that is entrenched
in a brutal civil war? Yeah well they’re essentially tied with us. What happened to us?
But, Jeffrey isn’t it a good thing that we are slimming up a
bit? Hell no! Are you kidding
me?!? It’s not like we dropped from 33% to 15 or even 20%. We’re still at an astronomically high
number, so we might as well be number 1 while we’re at it. Seriously, what’s the point of having
so many fat people if you don’t have the highest percentage of fat people? We’re losing it, and this is just the
tip of the spear.
Seriously, look
at that Top 10. Do you know what
the average GDP not including America is of the Top 10? It’s 64.9. Do you know what America’s GDP is? Well
it’s 1. So if you factor in the
fact that we’re rich, and they’re poor, we are really getting our asses
kicked. We’re supposed to have fat
people because we have a little something called KFC and Popeyes. They’ve never even heard of the Double
Down. Everyone I know has either tried it, or at the minimum knows someone who
has tried it. (Sidenote Seriously,
that thing is awesome. I don’t
know if it still exists, but it should.
I’m not sure what heaven will be like, but if it is half as good as the Double Down, I need to start praying immediately. And another thing, is the head of KFC’s product development
7 because every time they have something new, I say to myself, “That just
sounds like something a 1st grader dreamed up.”) And don’t even get
me started Hippies and Lefties. We
don’t have real poor people like those countries do. Our poor people have iPhones, Flat screen TV’s with cable,
and access to indoor plumbing.
Their poor people have dirt floors. We don’t know what really poor looks like.
I have had it with this country’s loser mentality. It’s time to wake up, look in the
mirror, and remember who we are.
We’re America. We’re
undefeated in wars and have dining establishments that serve fried chicken and
waffles. Do you have that Mexico?
Oh no, you don’t. All you have is
the same number of people dying from Diabetes as you do from the Drug Wars that
ravage your country. Sounds like a
Utopia to me. We’re number 1, and
it’s time we start acting like it again. My name is Jeffrey, and these are my thoughts…
