The Greatest Football Team Ever

Many questions have plagued humanity for generations. Does heaven exist? What would have happened if Sampson hadn’t cut his hair? Are we really all that is out there? What are the 23 flavors in Dr. Pepper? If O.J. didn’t do it, who did? The list goes on, but that is not the question we are to answer today. Nay, today we are here to answer one of life’s great mysteries and a question that has gone unanswered for far too long: Just who is the greatest 8^th grade football team ever?

The 2002 MUS Owls 8^th grade football team didn’t just win games; they beat their opponents so badly both physically and psychologically, opponents were left begging for mercy and asked if they could play the 7^th graders instead.

With household names like Stallworth, Hunt, Stokes, Park, Horn, Aldridge, Towner, Scott, May, Bowie, and Alston, the Owls were just a play away from scoring on any given snap. Offense, Defense, or Special Teams, it didn’t matter. In 8-minute quarters, the Owls averaged nearly 37 points per game; an amazing feat considering the starters hardly played more than a half of football.

Offensively it began under center for the Owls with their dual-threat signal caller, #11 Michael Park. Tony Barnhart once quipped about Park, “I haven’t seen the rollout pass run so flawlessly since the days of the Old Redhead, Archie Manning. Park was Johnny Manziel before Johnny Manziel.” Usually dual-threat is a politically correct way for saying a QB can’t throw, that was not the case with Park. He could beat you with his legs or arm. He would let you chose the weapon with which he would torture you. It was cruel but fair. He also served as the team’s punt returner.

But, Park certainly was not alone. He had weapons on top of weapons at his disposal. #15 Zach Scott and #8 Drew Alston were as big and physical as they come. If the ball was in the air, either they came down with it, or no one did. #9 Stephen Bowie’s sneaky speed allowed him to get open against any defense, and he went the entire year (practice included) without dropping a pass; it should also be noted he was wearing a cast on his wrist for a portion of the year. 

Up front the Owls had a line that was the envy of every opposing coach. Will Aldridge, Jason Daniels, Kevin Owen, Buck Towner, and Tyler Horn along with Luke Jensen and Ben Stallworth occasionally, opened up canyons for the stable of running backs. (And the blocking did not stop at the line of scrimmage; watch Big #74’s downfield blocking. The best athlete on the field might have been lined up at Offensive Tackle. That speed at that size with that strength?!? My God, that was unfair.) #2 Harrison Hunt and 7^th Grade All-American, #5 Philip May often scored without being touched. Although it should be noted Hunt would often times go out of his way just to run over someone for no other reason other than he could.

Defensively the Owls were quite frankly, impregnable. The starters did not give up a point all year, and the team collectively gave up only three touchdowns all year (Please note that one was the direct result of an illegal touch by a player over the weight limit. That was how desperate teams were to try and just put points on the board.). Up front Towner, Horn, and Aldridge were as ferocious and feared as any defensive lineman. Combine them with bookends Drew Alston and Luke Jensen, and teams were lucky to just break the line. If an opponent were lucky enough to break the line, then Stallworth, Stokes, and Hunt met them, and they were not a welcoming crew.

People often debate who was the most dominant team in football history. Was it the ’56 Sooners, ’72 Dolphins, ‘86 Bears, ’92 Crimson Tide, ’95 Cornhuskers, 2000 GYAA Eagles (Juniors Division), 2001 Miami Hurricanes, 2004 USC Trojans? The answer is none of those. All of those teams pail in comparison to the 2002 8^th grade Owls. Without further adieu, I give you the greatest collection of football players, nay athletes, that have ever been assembled, the 2002 Memphis University School 8^th grade Owls.

PS – While Park put on a show throwing the football, it should be noted that #7 made the two most impressive throws of the year. 1) (Occurs at the 3:49 mark) Facing a heavy rush from the savages up front of ECS, he stood tall with hands in his face and delivered a perfect ball over the outside shoulder to Zach Scott near the sideline that resulted in a touchdown.  2) (Occurs at the 4:23 mark) Again facing a brutal rush, 7 stood tall and delivered a strike over three defenders to his Tight End, Luke Jensen who scooted down the sideline only to be tripped up by the nose guard preventing 7 from his 2^nd touchdown in as many throws. It cannot be stressed enough how important it is to have a back-up quarterback on whom you can depend.  Kid could have gotten snaps at any other school, but chose to take part in something special even if the role was much less significant. Some might call that heroic. You know?

PPS- #7 also gave the single least athletic high five I’ve ever seen to #19 early in the film (yes, this is a film. Some might even say it’s an experience.) around the 1:17 mark. Although, to be fair he tried to make the hero play and go left with that high five. He. Failed.  He clearly should have just taken the easy completion and gone with the right-handed high five. Keep the chains moving 7; you don’t need it all in one play.