I've been reeling ever since I learned that my "attainable if I were three deep at the same bar" celebrity crush, Kelly Clarkson, has seemingly moved on with her life giving thought to neither my personal detriment nor the countless memories we made together. Seriously, how could she forget the time that I went all the way to Jimmy Kimmel's Summer Crush Concert Series in 2009 just to see her?!? The title of the event said it all. We were each other's summer crushes. We were so perfect for each other it hurt. Alas, I should have known better when she sang "Already Gone" three times (it was recorded for TV I'm told) and stared right into my soul with her piercing and famous hazel eyes just to emphasize that in spite of all we shared, she was indeed already gone. I was devastated and still am a little bit truth be told. Well rather, still was, until last night. You can all sleep soundly now. I've moved on. I'm ready once again to open myself up to love that will never be. I'm finally ready to stop flirting and commit. Aga Radwanska, I choose you.
Our love started much in the same manner that Kelly's and mine did, during the summer. And no, you need not worry that I'm setting myself up for disaster yet again. Like they say on TV and the movies/like girls who clearly got dumped and still aren't over it say, I learned so much. This time it IS different. I met Agnie on the Fourth of July, and being the patriot that I am, I know this was no coincidence. As I was recovering from celebrating the land that I love, I was watching The Championships at Wimbledon. (I love this title so much. Seriously, so arrogant. There are 4 majors, but only 1 "Championships". Such a power move, and I don't hate it) I discovered a striking young Belarusian who looked much like she played the game of tennis, non threatening. Yet, for some reason I couldn't take my eyes off of the screen when she was on it and even began to ask myself the question, "Do you actually like this girl?". By the end of the match I was openly rooting so hard for her on every point that the truth was obvious. I had a case of the Radwanskas.
While I was smitten, she lost, and by the end of the day I had already forgotten her. Whatever. Judge me for forgetting about the love of my life mere minutes after meeting her. I had a country, nay a nation, to celebrate, and you best believe I wasn't letting some chick get in the way of my patriotic duty. That attitude is why the terrorists will never win.
Flash forward to the evening of January 21, 2014. Alas we meet again, my love. Time and separation has made me grow fonder and realize just how much I missed her. That's on me. I was scared, and truth be told, wasn't really sure how I truly felt. I spent tireless hours debating her hotness, frantically searching for kini and formal wear pictures, texting tennis scholars, also looking up her relationship status (for some reason that does affect my feelings for imaginary relationships) before finally making my decision. After spending the entire 1st set playing countless rounds of "She's Hot, She's Not", there was no need for further debate. She was so in my head, and there was nothing I could do about it. So, I decided at the end of the 2nd set of her quarterfinal match at the Australian Open (I need to be specific so that I can have the exact answer for when she inevitably asks, "When did you know I was the one you for which you were waiting?"), that I indeed could no longer deny what was so clearly true: Aga is the girl for me. Spoiler Alert! She won the 3rd set 6-0. Coincidence? I think not. I don't want to say our love was the reason that she won the 3rd set, but our love was totally the reason she won the 3rd set. Here's to many happy returns.
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| For Me?!? Stop it! I'll gladly be your trophy husband, but you have to forget that I'm not actually hot and don't qualify as a "trophy". |
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| Agnie is being silly. I always do the driving. |
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| We clean up well. Scared Brangelina? I would be. |
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| Melting my heart, princess |
