In Honor of the Jets' Already Bailing on Christian Hackenberg, I Present to you the Looks Like a QB Until the Ball is Snapped Team

(Jets Wire) Jets rookie quarterback Christian Hackenberg has yet to to play a snap through two preseason games. He was supposed to play on Friday night, but didn’t.

Why?

“Coach’s decision,” Todd Bowles, said after the game.

Odds are that the Jets are protecting their prized young quarterback. Throwing an inexperienced rookie into the fire with a backup offensive line isn’t always the best move. The biggest concern is why the team is being so secretive with Hackenberg.


One former Director of College Scouting has a theory.

The Jets are finding out Hackenberg can't play. Hardly a surprise. #wasted pick

— Greg Gabriel (@greggabe) August 20, 2016

Looks like the Jets are learning the hard way that Hackenberg wears the C on the Guys Who Look Like Quarterbacks Until the Ball is Snapped team.

He's the textbook definition of that guy. You can't fault them though. It's such an easy mistake to make. He has it all - size, arm strength, uniform awarness - and when you see him go through warmups, which is basically what most scouting is, he takes your breath away. Unfortunately for Christian, he has to play games.

Here are some other guys on the team. Let's start with the pros first because they're funnier because people paid them because they looked like a quarterback.

Nick Foles

Nick Foles only has two problems - wearing that stupid glove on his off hand and actually having to play quarterback. If he didn't have those two deficiencies, he would be so elite.

Now onto the Franchise that Owns the Cateogry, the Buffalo Bills.

Rob Johnson

Rob was actually a true pioneer of the position as he was the first guy who was forced into action because of an injury and parlayed one good game into like three more contracts all of which were spectacular failures. Without Rob, there would be no Matt Flynn, who of course is a hero to all of us guys out there who would love to get paid for actually doing nothing.

PS - I love that his expression on his trading card is that of utter panic and confusion because that's basically how I remember Rob Johnson, panicked and confused.

Matt Cassel

Matt Cassel is just what you're looking for in your ideal looks like a QB until he actually has to play QB candidate. He "studied under Norm Chow" when Chow was considered to be a offensive genius and not just the guy who got to call plays for the greatest collection offensive weapons college football ever saw. He also studied under Brady and Belichick, so you know he "gets it". He has unreal helmet, chin strap, and facemask awareness, and his uniform game is strong. Unfortunately, the praise stops there.

EJ Manuel

About midway through Manuel's senior season at Florida State, you could tell that someone was totally going to reach for Manuel and take him entirely too early in the Draft. It should have been a free space that the team would be the Bills.

Ryan Mallett

Another shorts and t-shirts Hall of Famer here. HUGE arm, prototypical size, strong helmet awareness, NFL-caliber towel and handwarmer placement, unfortunately for Ryno, you had to learn at least a couple of plays and actually show up. Other than that, he was awesome.

While we're on Mallett, let's just go with basically any QB who played at Michigan not named Tom Brady, who ironically the Michigan coaches spent most of his career trying not to play in favor of...

Drew Henson

John Navarre

Russell Bellomy

Before we move on to college, we would be remiss if we didn't of course mention the GOAT of the category....

Ryan Leaf

Now on to the college guys. Let's start with a fresh one.

Jeremy Johnson 

I will never stop apologizing to Nick Marshall because of how bad Johnson really was. No one will ever throw into basic cover-2 traffic like Jeremey, no one.

And finally...

Jeff Lockie

No one in college football wears a uniform better and plays worse than Jeff Lockie. No one. (See Alamo Bowl)

Puddle of Mudd's Wes Scantlin is Turning His Life Around...JK He Got the Bomb Squad Called on Him.

Source: TMZ

(TMZ) - Wes Scantlin scared the crap out of his neighbors by pulling a Wile E. Coyote plot that made his car look like a bomb ... TMZ has learned.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... the Puddle of Mudd singer took matters into his own hands after his car was broken into multiple times. We're told the scheme -- involving 2 vehicles -- was pretty basic: a radio under one car with wires leading into the motor, and the second car had wires from a door to the gas tank.

Rather than scare off crooks, it terrified neighbors who called cops. The bomb squad came out and evacuated 4 surrounding buildings in the WeHo neighborhood.

As you can imagine, cops laid into Wes for the stupid idea, which drained valuable police resources.
He wasn't charged with a crime, for once. He needs to go buy The Club. 

A couple of thoughts here. I feel like this plan can only be described as one of two ways: one - kinda brilliant, but unfortunately you are in the epicenter of the Uptight Douche Who Doesn't Have Real Problems Capitol of the World that is West Hollywood, or two - the plan that sounds awesome when you're drunk and high that completely neglects your surroundings.

I mean say what you want, but the visual of a guy's being so pissed off of having his car broken into that he's forced to fake a car bomb, is pretty hilarious, and I feel like the line between brilliant and stupid has never been more, wait for it...wait for it...Blurry. (See what I did there?!?).

I honestly feel like Wes' reputation and recent events are distracting us from what seems to be a pretty well thought out plan. "You want to rob me? Be my guest. Just know that those wired could be connected to a bomb. Or they could just be some wires that are running from the radio to the gas cap. Your call."

It's basically a choose your own adventure story for junky thieves. Wes is just trying to make them think twice about what they're about to do. That used to be considered mentoring.

The Beer Garden, presented by the Oxford Krystal with Guest Eric Edholm of Shutdown Corner

The Beer Garden Podcast with myself and Neal McCready has returned thanks to the support of the people at Craddock Oil and the Oxford Krystal as well as the good people at Clark Ford, LB's Meat Market, Strategic Partners & Media, and Snooze Mattress Company. Without their support, this show would not be possible.

Eric Edholm of Yahoo Sports' Shutdown Corner was the guest on yesterday's episode that is now available and streaming at the top of this post. Eric was a phenomenal guest as always and spent nearly 40 minutes with Neal and me. We discussed everything from the correlation between being attractive and playing quarterback successfully, whether or not Dak Prescott can continue his hot start in the NFL for the years to come, the Giants' bold new innovative strategy of not only allowing opponents to score at will but also deciding not to score themselves, who will Sean Payton yell at this year now that Rob Ryan is gone, and gives his thoughts on each division.

The episode also includes some nice discussion between Neal and me about the closing of the Olympics, Carmelo's legacy, the Warriors potential, a funeral for boxing since Colin Cowherd said it's dead, and some talk about the upcoming playoff races in baseball.

If you enjoy the show, please subscribe and click five stars on iTunes. Feel free to leave a nice review, and we will read our favorites on an upcoming episode.

For the non-Apple users, use the Podbean App or Stitcher.



 

Unfair Double Standard Alert: 26-year old Taysom Hill Named BYU Starting QB

Taysom Hill, who turns 26 today, has been announced as #BYU's starting QB over Tanner Mangum.

— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) August 23, 2016

Wow, talk about an unbelievably unfair double standard here. Heroes Legends like Van Wilder were shamed and even cut off by their parents (It's horrible just to think about, honestly.) and the like for staying in school until they were 26, while Taysom is patted on the back. Makes you think, huh?

Pretty sure the anti-Spieth is Taysom Hill, granted he has had some gruesome injuries and I genuinely enjoy watching him play when a BYU game sneaks on a TV. It's not like I go out of my way to watch him, but it's comforting to know that he's there for me should I need him.

While Spieth is a painful reminder that I've yet and probably won't amount to much, Hill is kind of the opposite. Sure, I haven't mastered my craft and probably never will, but at least I did graduate college in the appropriate time. Life is about expectations, and I've tried everyday since August 3, 1988 to make sure my parents lower theirs for me.

Not sure, I've ever throughly enjoyed watching a beatdown in a game where I cared about neither team at all like I did when BYU murdered Manny Diaz's shooting-star career and Mack Brown in the same night. It actually got so bad at one point that I think I caught myself feeling sorry for Texas. My how the mighty fell.

PS - All that highlight showed me is Provo looks like the most miserable place in the country. Although to be fair, I guess if you're trying to repress sexual impulses, the best way to do so is make sure that everyone is bundled up.

"Challenge accepted."

PPS - Thinking about Van Wilder made me remember one of the forgotten underrated bangers of the 2000's. Here's Sugarbomb's only 2001 hit, "Hello".

  

HOW DID I MISS THE SOUTH PARK SEASON PREMIER PREVIEW?!?

First, how on Earth did I miss this? I work from home and watch pretty much every South Park marathon that's broadcasted.

I pride myself on always being able to honestly answer "yes" when asked by anyone if I have seen something already because I'm in the information business at the end of the day, so when I see that this preview has been out nearly a month, I feel nothing but disappointment. I'm truly not upset with myself. I'm just disappointed.

Yet again the South Park boys show how much better they are at their jobs than we are, and they probably try less too. I love the premise of mocking the sappy insurance company with clips of every juvenile and vile thing that they've ever done on the show. It was a laugh-out-loud trip down memory lane, and I can't be more thankful that I stumbled across it today.

Next, Dibs.

Finally, I think this promo tugs at my heart strings because I know that it is a brief glimpse into my future. I'm doomed to an eternity of girls, and in all reality, there's a 100 percent chance that my daughter will either a) stumble upon my watching South Park or b) I'll just introduce it to her because she needs to be exposed to high-quality television, television that went there before anyone else.

Here's to September 14.

Hard Knocks Recap That Nobody Asked For

Since the Hall of Fame Game was cancelled because the grounds crew had one job and couldn't do it thus depriving hard-working Americans from betting on a preseason football, last night became the unofficial open to training camp for fans when HBO released the season debut of Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Los Angeles Rams.

Overall, it was a pretty forgettable episode, but it was football and more importantly a behind-the-scenes look at football. Therefore, I'm all in. It is still August after all.

Given my day job, which covers a college football program, I can't help but wonder if the lack of interesting scenes, moments, or characters is a result more of the way that football teams want to be presented -- revealing as little about the actual team as possible because football coaches by nature are paranoid -- or if this is just what a Jeff Fisher team looks like, boring. I'm leaning toward the former because when I look back objectively on the two previous seasons covered, the Bengals and Texans,  they weren't much different. Nevertheless, it was still completely watchable, and I didn't consider it an hour wasted at all. Let's get to the recap.

The Highlights

Opening Scene - Hard Knocks has a firm rule that you always open with the quarterback's hot wife doing something that isn't sexual in nature but shows her in skin, working out in full makeup is the standard opening shot.

However, since Jared Goff has a brain (more on that later), he has chosen to be single as the quarterback of the future in Los Angeles, and Case Keenum's wife seems like she really loves the Lord and is the perfect embodiment of what happens when a 6'0" quarterback from a small school approaches his senior year, he decides during his senior year that life won't get better, so he might as well marry who he's with. The caveat here is you do what Tannehill or Blake Barnett did, not what Case did. Therefore, Hard Knocks opened with the next best eye candy, breathtaking dogs. Jeff Fisher's labs could move mountains. Well done.

Case Keenum Doesn't Disappoint - Pretty sure he moved into one of the neighborhoods in Calabasas or Augora Hills that I lived in during my junior and senior years. No NFL quarterback should have lived in these neighborhoods. Period. Be Better, Case.

Non-air-conditioned Dorms - I understand that this scene didn't exactly connect with the rest of America, but I immediately began to experience PTSD when I watched the team move into the dorms at UC-Irvine because it was an all-too-real flashback to August 2007 when I moved into my non-air-conditioned dorm at Pepperdine. The biggest lie anyone from Southern California will tell you -- other than their age and weight, obviously -- is that, "You don't need air conditioning out here". Uh, guess again.

Labor Day Weekend saw temperature hit the 117 mark, and I went seven-straight days without using a single sheet on my person. The only cooling device in the room was the puddles of sweat that your body created because you lived on the third floor on a dorm without air conditioning.

Dry heat, my ass. Heat is heat. They just don't want to pay for it.

Two Types of People - There are two types of people guys that wear tank tops exclusively and tell you about it, and people that I like. If you have a formal tank top, please kill yourself.

Deon Long - What a treasure. Jeff Fisher literally gave them one rule, don't bring women to your room, and he couldn't do it. Daddy had to get his dick wet. However, what truly made the move great was his explanation of, "Coach, she wasn't staying. She was just dropping something off,".

These are the best kinds of excuses the ones that are so spectacularly bad that the opposition doesn't even ask a follow up. He just lets you continue to dig your own grave. Finally, I love that Deon is so clearly Team Sorry Not Sorry. At no point did he even attempt to apologize. He just went right into making excuses explanations.

Jeff Fisher's Come to Jesus Meeting - I can't imagine how close to home this speech hit the seven actual Rams fans.

"I'm not going 7-9. I'm not going 8-8."

Uh, wanna bet, Jeff?

Jeff Fisher's Coaching Staff - I'm pretty sure the only job requirement to be an assistant on Jeff's staff is that you must not have had any other job in your adult life that was out of football or have a last name that is synonymous with football (God bless, nepotism). He will however make an exception if that non-football job was military service. However, that's kind of a given as everyone on that staff, the former Marine (Thank you for your service, sir.) included, is the closest thing to military service.

So many football guys on that staff. I don't know Rob Boras, but I am quite certain that he and I wouldn't see eye to eye on offensive philosophy. He reeks of the guy that abides by the number one rule that in order to win, you must run the ball.

And speaking of football guys, holy shit is Greg Williams Lord Commander of Football Guys. He is the guy that honestly believes that football truly is a thinking man's game. Though he is a sworn enemy of all things offense, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have reverence for it. After all it is still under the umbrella of football. He could not have had less respect for a man (that plays football, kickers excluded, of course) than he did for Goff when he discovered that he has never been in a huddle and called a play. How dare he?!?!?

Quick someone ask Goff for medical advice because he must be a genius since he learned how to huddle and call a football play, an impossible task to the common man, but not the football guru. He can utter multiple words that directly instruct the 10 other guys what to do. He's brilliant.

And as if he didn't have enough football guys, Mike Singletary showed up out of nowhere.

I'm getting very close to understanding why Jeff Fisher's teams are perpetually 8-8. They are always talented, but neither he nor his staff advance when the game does, and he's left behind.

The Jeff Goff Roller Coaster - The closest I've ever gotten to actually being jealous of Rams fans occurred during the profile pieces on Goff. He's perfect, and by that I mean he's perfect for me - bipolar.

Let's start with the character assassination that the producers conducted. Chris Weinke -- who, despite having spent his entire life in competitive sports, could give Mike Smith a run for his money for most awkward cusser of all time -- asks perhaps maybe the most leading question in the history of leading questions to Goff.

"Goff, where does the sun rise and set?"

What may seem like common knowledge to anyone who passed the third grade, this was really a first-amendment violation. Most of us know that indeed the sun rises in the East and sets in the West because of Sunday School. Well how about a little separation of church and state, Coach? Or maybe instead of shaming him, how about using that moment to, I don't know, do some some of the most important coaching of all, life coaching. How about asking him where he is in his faith? Everyone knows that the family that prays together stays together, and if I were Weinke, I would for damn sure want Goff to be touched by God because if he is, Weinke will never have to actually work a day in his life ever again because he can simply ride his coattails to coaching fame and lore.

Now for the on-the-field where he stole my heart forever. Let's start with the bad. I always want the bad news first.

Holy shit, I've never seen a No. 1 pick look more uncomfortable under center. It was laugh out loud funny. The best explanation that I can give is that he looked every bit as comfortable as someone who was relearning how to take a shit, and his teacher was his mom. Also, I can't express how bad the coaching was. It's not that difficult, dude. Get in an athletic stance, take your right hand and split the testes of your center (Thank you, Coach Cresmon. I'll never forget that teaching point.), and don't pull out (#Phrasing) until the ball hits your top hand.

And Dear God, his footwork when throwing a goal line fades against air made me weep.

Now for the good, his throwing motion makes me feel things. It's so fluid and natural.

It's not gay if it's Jared Goff.

And speaking of pretty, he is. I know people think I'm kidding or coming up with a hot take, but I really do believe the best quarterback are either good looking or at least think they are. I stand by this statement.

Sure, he's not exactly great at the basics of the position -- calling a play in the huddle, taking a snap, basic footwork -- but he has the intangibles -- chiseled features, great throwing motion, and excellent uniform awareness and presence. And you can't teach that.

Conclusion
I'm not trying to say that HBO is getting desperate yet, but they did try to convince us that a guy who doesn't utter a complete sentence in a Carl's Jr. commercial is Mr. Personality because he occasionally yells inaudible phrases from the sideline during football practice.

All-in-all it wasn't as bad of an episode in hindsight as it was in person. What the show lacks in personality, it more than makes up for it absurdity in the football portions. As long as they keep giving me that aspect, I'll be more than grateful to spend an hour with the Rams every Tuesday night after SmackDown Live.

Top 10 Pro Wrestling Entrances

The wrestling entrance might be the single biggest identifier of a pro wrestler's success. The WWE won't give you a big time entrance if they Vince doesn't view you as a top-card guy. There's a reason that Undertaker's entrance is so F'ing long because Vince wants you to know how important he is. 

While some may argue that actual in-ring prowess or charisma better identifies the top guys and gals, I'm focusing on the entrances, simply because I can't think of anyone whoever made it to the top of the card that didn't have an elite entrance.

   

We here at MNIJATAMT (pretty catchy, huh? The M is silent FYI.) aren't afraid to tackle controversy. We're not afraid to go where the mainstream won't. We don't shy away from it because without controversy we cannot start the all-important dialogue. Therefore, it's time to start the discussion so that we can actually get some answers. 

I understand that this blog will cause strife, but I believe this is an important blog because the conversation needs to get real. Without further adieu, here are my Top-10 entrances.

No. 10 - The New Aged Outlaws 

Leading us off is the perfect tone setter for the night, The New Aged Outlaws. They embodied the Attitude Era -- brash, risque, engaging. 

No. 9 - Chris Jericho 

Chris Jericho's first run absolutely oozed charisma. He's still one of the finest heels in the game, so good that I can't believe the WWE ever tried to make him a baby face.

No. 8 - CM Punk (Cult of Personality)

The Best in The World. Tough to argue. He's missed although I wish he would be a grown up and realize he's only hurting himself by not wrestling any more. Making the leap to MMA while pushing 40 is a bold play. Also we either have him to thank or blame, not sure which, for shattering the glass about Roman Reigns. The day that he publicly said that the entire mission of the WWE was to make Roman appear strong in all of his matches, Roman was forever tainted. RIP, Roman Empire, enjoy eating those pins for the foreseeable future.

No. 7 - Hulk Hogan

Not really fair, to be honest. The song is titled Real American and has a kick ass guitar riff. It was set up for success. 

No. 6 - Finn Balor

I didn't realize that Finn's entrance was the source of discord that it currently is among fans until he was added to the Main Roster. While I admit that the Raw video team did him no favors in how the presented the entrance, the fact that some many people thought it poor bothered me. His entrance reeks of big time and has the demon element in mind at all times. The demon puts asses in seats, but the entire crowd's participation in the arm flailing is what makes this an all-time for me. 

No. 5 - Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar might be the scariest man on the planet, and his entrance reflects as much. It's terrifying, truly terrifying and filled with raw power. I'm still not convinced that he did steroids rather his body just naturally produces testosterone levels only seen in steroid users.

No. 4 Daniel Bryan

I struggle with DB's entrance because I believe that his chant was more over than his entrance itself was. However, you have to include the chant because the crowds sure as hell did. As discussed earlier, participation points matter.

No. 3 - Mr. McMahon

Quite simply, he's the greatest heel that ever lived, both on and off screen. 

No. 2 - DX

DX's full entrance might be the most complete entrance as it has everything -- a song with a hook, arm motions, fan participation, and cheer that invited everyone to use a socially taboo phrase (for its time). All you need to know about their entrance is that every kid watching wrestling had no idea that they were supposed to be the bad guys. Everyone wanted to be HHH just for the walkout alone -- The Pedigree didn't hurt either because it was a move that everyone could execute on their buddies at home. I had no idea what a degenerate was, but I just knew I wanted to be one.^

^Writer's note: After a self evaluation, I can actually claim that I accomplished a life goal.  

No. 1 Stone Cold

Hate all you want, but there's no denying that once the glass shattered that the GOAT was on his way. It's beauty is its simplicity. It doesn't try too hard or do too much. It simply lets you know that an ass kicking is on the way.

I understand much of the criticism from this blog will be that I've shown too much favoritism to the Attitude and New Era, but I would counter that I always believe that if given a level playing field, athletes and performers will always get better as they have to on account of survival. The peak for entrances will always be the Attitude Era in my mind because those wrestlers had the benefit of being part of both a ratings war and part of an independently held company. Once the company went public and decided to present a more family-oriented product, the playing field was no longer fair. 

Here are the honorable mentions that just missed the cut.

Shinsuke Nakamura

The ultimate endorsement that I can give Nakamura's entrance is that I had no idea who he was prior to his arrival at NXT, other than having bigger wrestling fans tell me that he was a big deal, and by the time that he got to the ring for his match with Sami Zayn at Takeover: Dallas, I was all in. By the end of the match, I immediately understood what everyone was telling me. He's electric and a natural-born star. I SO can't wait for Vince to turn him into a ninja and ruin his career. Speaking of Zayn

Sami Zayn

The entrance is made primarily made by the song making it miss out. However, the song feels like the perfect blend of the Crash Test Dummies and the Dropkick Murphies, a combination that basically encompasses Zayn to a T.

Masked Kane

While I think the Undertaker's entrance is overrated, I think that Kane's is actually slightly underrated. However, I admit that I am a sucker for Pyro.

Shane O'Mac

I think my favorite part about Shane's return is that Vince's idea to save a sinking ship was simply to add another McMahon to the mix. That'll do it.

Sting

Sting aged about as well as a fine Moscato. 

Undertaker

Just because I said it's overrated doesn't mean that it sucks.

Kurt Angle

God bless wrestling fans, every one of them. The "You Suck" chant on time is so simple yet so hauntingly beautiful. And the cousin of that entrance...

John Cena

I'll say it. I don't have a problem with Cena. Dude has carried the company for a decade and never stops working. In fact he just works more. He learned Mandarin in his late 30s because he thought it would help his company. 

The Rock

Is there anything to it? No, but he's the most electrifying man in sports entertainment. Therefore, I owe him a mention.