Where Has My Country Gone? Adidas Doing Adidas

The Olympic uniform was released at the PGA Merchandising Show in Florida today, and I think I'm going to be sick.

Listen I'm not hear to talk about how Adidas was founded by a Nazi. That's neither here nor there. I'm here to focus on the facts and #FactsOnly even though Adidas was founded by a man named Adolf who equipped the Nazi Army. 

I'm also not here to discuss the fact that people have been charged with treason for lesser offenses than allowing a German outfitter to be the official sponsor of the United States Olympic Team. Again, that's not what I want to talk about.

I especially don't want to discuss how Adidas is such a well-run operation that they told Michael Jordan, "Thanks, but no thanks," when he wanted to sign with the outfitter upon turning professional.

None of those things matter to me right now.

What I do want to talk about is how disgusting these uniforms are. America has one of the easiest color schemes ever not to fuck up. Red, White, and Blue sells itself. Don't mess with it. 

Seriously, they're wearing a flag shirt. That's not a joke. That's for real.

Yet again Adidas accepts an impossible challenge and earns Best In Show. Let's take a look at some of Adidas' Greatest Hits.

Quietly Adidas' Finest Work was somehow ruining UCLA's jerseys, which were long thought to be the gold standard in college uniforms.

  

You want to know how bad Adidas golf apparel is? The two most famous German golfers alive are Martin Kaymer and Berhard Langer. Neither wear Adidas apparel (Kaymer does wear an Adidas shoe). Hell, both even have club deals with TaylorMade-Adidas and don't wear their clothes. You literally can't pay them to wear Adidas, and THEY'RE GERMAN!

I don't understand why we are even letting Germans design clothes. Has anyone ever looked to Germany for artistic inspiration?!? No, by definition they are the opposite of artistic. They are mechanical and efficient. That's why we let them build cars and planes (until they started using those planes in an attempt to take over the world). That's their lane.

And, don't give me, "Well they won the bid," nonsense either. If ISIS won the bid, would they get to outfit us too? I didn't think so. It's time we stop negotiating with terrorists. And, make no mistake, what Adidas does to a uniform is terrorism. Where has my country gone? Thanks Obama....

Solving the World's Problems One at a Time: With or Without Beans?

What started as a meaningless conversation, led to important discussion as my friend Dylan made the statement that chicken noodle soup is overrated.

I'm of the opinion that chicken noodle soup can't be overrated because it's not considered better than it is. It may be too common, but it's not overrated. No one thinks that shredded cheddar from a bag is the finest that cheese has to offer, but it's still used more than often than sliced Brie. The same goes for ground beef and prime steak.

The argument then became that chili is better than chicken noodle soup. I conceded that good chili beats good chicken noodle soup 10 times out of 10, no question. However, the popularity of chicken noodle soup resides in the fact that you know what you're getting. It's never going to disappoint. Never once in your life have you had chicken noodle soup and been truly surprised at the result, good or bad.

Chili on the other hand has way too much range. You can absolutely have a bowl of chili that changes your life, but you can just as easily have one that sends you to an early grave. This is the plight of chili. There are too many bad bowls out there for the good bowls to overcome. It's not a fair fight.

Here's where the discussion took a turn for academic. "What's your stance on beans?"

Being a champion of truth and justice, I of course was a non bean guy. I thought it common knowledge that authentic, original chili recipes do not include beans. Spirited debate ensued, and before long I was reading histories of chili. (Side note, there is an International Chili Society)

Here are the facts. The website lists two recipes for chili in the history neither include beans. The best defense of beans in chili can be summarized by saying, "It's what you want when you make it. You can put anything in there you want," which is the worst defense ever. It's that kind of thinking that landed goat cheese on pizza, forever ruining the perfect food. If we accept beans, where does it stop? Pretty soon nasty, disgusting (probably toxic for all we know) goat cheese will wind up in chili if we accept this thinking. Well not on my watch! I won't stand for this type of injustice.

When it comes to beans in chili, just say no because the truth is if you give an inch, the enemy will take a mile. #SaveRealChili


 

The Worst Time of the Year is Quickly Approaching

It's that time of year where we only have one meaningful football game left, and the TV lineup is starting to legitimately stink. We're still months away from HBO's Murders Row of Spring Programing of Thrones/Silicon Valley/Veep/And the always forgotten yet always entertaining Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. I simply can't even remotely bring myself to care about college basketball yet, and my NBA team is in a hopeless place where it will make the playoffs, but the roster is aging and hope is fading.

February blows. It's an awful month with terrible weather, and a painful reminder that not only are you single but more importantly, you are as far away as possible on the calendar from football. Plus as the years go on and so too does my waistline, summer is becoming less enjoyable by the day.

I'm in a dark place, and when I find myself in times of trouble, mother betting speaks to me. 

Seriously, I don't know why or how, but every single year about this time, the end of football sends me into an emotional panic, and I feel like I have to bet on anything and everything in sight. But, here's the worst part. I get gun shy. I find bets that I love and don't bet them, and then every bet that I do make on a Monday night basketball game, I lose. It's like clockwork. Fact, I win every bet that I never place.

Last night for instance, I loved Golden State (-5) at home against the Spurs, absolutely loved it. I actually wanted to marry it. However, that little demon in my brain told me, "You can never bet against Pop in a big game,". You can guess how it went.

I was then given a tip to lay the points with Furman last night who also covered with ease, but you know the story. I was in the middle of recording a show and didn't get the bet in in time. So is life. 

Only one thing to do. Keep calm and bet on.

Three Despicable Violent Criminals Recreate Shawshank and Escape

(Source) - A prosecutor pursuing a case against one of the three men who broke out of a Southern California prison reacted: "Oh, my God, they let Hannibal Lecter out."

Hossein Nayeri, a former Marine who had escaped to his native Iran in 2012, faces charges of kidnapping, torture, aggravated mayhem and burglary. Deputy District Attorney Heather Brown told The Orange County Register the man is "diabolical... sophisticated, incredibly violent and cunning.”

Brown says Nayeri helped kidnap a marijuana dealer in 2012, burned him with a blow torch and forced another suspect cut off the dealer's penis because Nayeri thought the man had buried money in the desert. Soon afterwards, investigators say he left for Iran, but they caught him while he was on his way to Spain to visit family.


The three men sawed through a quarter-inch-thick grill on a dormitory wall and got into plumbing tunnels before sawing through half-inch-thick steel bars as they made their way behind walls to an unguarded area of a roof atop a five-story building. There, they moved aside razor wire and rappelled to the ground using the bed linen.

Wow, talk about a moral dilemma here. On the one hand I LOVE a prison escape story, while on the other, I would prefer not to have a psychopathic, violent criminal leading the brigade. At first I thought the comparison to Hannibal Lector was a bit much, but then I read that he burned a man with a blow torch and allowed it.

Why can't life imitate art? We're completely fine with Andy Dufresne's escaping Shawshank because he shouldn't have been in there in the first place, but when someone actually escapes a prison in real life, he has to be a diabolical, violent criminal.

For once I wish I could just have my cake and eat it too. Why can't we have a group of escapees who were all wrongly convicted of something trivial, like not paying a speeding ticket that collected interest and forces a lifetime sentence. I really want to pull for the escapees, but these guys are despicable. All three have attempted murder charges and are violent felons.

Sigh. It turns out that prison is mostly filled with bad guys. Go figure.

Lookout Bitcoin! There's a New Currency That's Hot in the Streets

Full disclosure, I was perusing the Internet looking at arenas that had been built recently because I'm a sociopath. I was legitimately rooting for the Rams and Chargers to move to LA so that I could see new renderings for whatever the Raiders do for a stadium. I love stadium porn. Side note, Omaha (not the city but the school) has a $81.6 million dollar arena, and LSU still plays in the PMac. That's laughable.

In my search, I noticed that Ole Miss used a strange currency to pay for their new arena. Apparently, a football recruit can be used to pay for building costs. Recruiting season never disappoints.

PS - If the cost of one recruit could cover a new arena, everyone would have a new arena, something that I'm not opposed to. I could put spankbank on hold for a while and just use fly through renderings of all the new venues. Fingers crossed.

The Internet is a cold, dark place, and I wish Adam Driver the best of luck

No two places -- outside of the military, perhaps -- will toughen you up and give you a thicker skin than attending boys' school in your formative years or having a job on the Internet. The only thing as ruthless as pubescent boys is an anonymous message board or comments section. I have done both. #Blessed.

Welp, the latest target of for the Internet is none other than Adam Driver AKA Kylo Ren.

I'll be the first to admit that as soon as Ren took off his helmet and exposed his face, my first thought was, "Man, those are Finebaums,".

Fortunately for Driver (and also one of the aspects that makes him appealing), he was in the military (Marines) and didn't achieve fame until much later in life, so he doesn't seem to take himself too seriously. Either way, it looks like we will only see more of these memes as his star begins to grow, and more importantly as he makes more Star Wars Movies.

Suicide Squad Trailer Number Two Thoughts

OK, first things first, I am 100 percent going either to need to wear dark pants while watching Robbie as Harley Quinn, or I'm going to need a private screening, something which I can't afford. So, dark jeans it is.

It's simply not fair that the actress that I currently find the hottest on the planet is playing the fictional character that I find the hottest. We all have a default type. Mine is blonde and awful, covered in insanity. AKA Harley Quinn.

However, I have legitimate concerns here. Why on earth is David Ayers not having Robbie use her Jersey/New Yorker accent that Quinn is famous for? We already know she can kill it.

Seriously, I don't understand this move. It cheats the character. We immediately assume every chick with that accent is insane, just like everyone assumes that anyone with a Southern accent is immediately stupid. It's just good science.

Now on to the rest of the movie which appears to be a train wreck because there is way too much going on, way too many cooks in the kitchen.  

Unfortunately, I had a hunch that Heath Ledger's performance has forever ruined any hope we have for another electric Joker performance, and this trailer confirms my suspicions. Jack Nicholson's Joker was great because Nicholson is great, and he just played himself in face paint. Ledger's Joker was great because he hit the heart of the character. He has is great because he is the antithesis of Batman. He has no moral compass because he is amoral, not because he's completely batshit insane, which is pretty obviously what Jared Leto's Joker is going for in Suicide Squad.

It's not Leto's fault either. I hope the pay day was too much to turn down because even if I were an Oscar-winning actor like Leto, you can't win in this role. Ledger's performance is too fresh in everyone's mind, largely because it's on basic cable every six hours and even if you don't like comic book movies, you like Ledger's performance and have seen it. No one wants to see the kiddy, pun-using prankster version of the Joker either, so Leto only has two choices. Either he just does a knockoff Ledger, much like Tim Roth did with Christoph Waltz in Hateful Eight, or he has to go completely over the top. Hence, we see the Joker swimming in a bed of knives. Thanks, but no thanks.

Overall, I think the trailer did what trailers do now, show us the whole movie in two-and-half minutes, but I owe it to Robbie to give her my $10. It feels like it's going to be a solid 6. Whatever, see you in August, my flame, my muse.    

This Week in FIGJAM: Mickelson returns to action

Golf Digest - We  begin with a disclosure: When you ask folks in all walks of golf life a personal question, it's only fair to answer it yourself. The question was this: "How much cash do you have on you... and why?"

Cash is still king, right?

Even in this age of credit cards and electronic banking, people still carry cash. OK, well, most people.

I had $182 when I stopped Golf Channel's Brandel Chamblee at the Open Championship last summer at St. Andrews. To Chamblee's credit, he was forthcoming. (One major champion declined—old school.) Chamblee, a former PGA Tour player, was carrying $80, plus £70. "I usually carry about $300," he said. "I'm not extravagant.

"I mean, if this is a contest, then Phil Mickelson is going to win it."

Later came a text, Phil following up: $6,500 in $100s and $1,600 in $20s. $8,100 total.

Huge week for us Phil Phans as he returns to action this week at La Quinta, and what better way to celebrate than a story of about how outrageous he is with money?

Phil is what we as white people should aspire to be. We should keep pictures of him in our doorways just like the North Koreans do with Supreme Leader.

Rich and successful on his own merit? Yup. Elite-level golfer? Check. Owns his own Jet? Sure does. Degenerate gambler? Who's asking? Suspected of insider trading? Hey, he always plays a tip. Incessantly whines about taxes? Oh yeah. Carries close to 65 $100 bills in his wallet while also carrying another 80 $20s? You betcha.

I'm so sick and tired of truly rich people having to act like they're not. F off, Cuban. You have 10 figures next to your name. You can lose the t-shirt and cargos.

Phil never even pretends to be anything other than filthy rich, and unlike guys like Ian Poulter, it somehow makes him endearing. It just goes to show how far a smile can go, whether it be fake or not. Poulter? Douche. Phil? Hero.

Welcome back FIGJAM. Missed you.

PS - STEVE BURKOWSKI, Golf Channel announcer: $2,000. "That's a bit higher than normal. It's usually about $500, but I know there's a casino about 20 miles from here, and I figured I might want to check it out."

Welcome to Team Little Fella, Steve. You can play on my team anytime you'd like.

Today in fan is short for fanatic: Clemson edition (NSFW)

Couple of thoughts, first, show me a better power stance than this guy's. You can't. #NoDaysOff on squats.

Second, this video basically why the rest of the country doesn't understand the South. We willingly chose to drink Natty Light, dip using clear water bottles as our spitter so that all can enjoy the experience, and take college football way too seriously.

For my Southern brethren, this is why we are constantly a punchline. Well, that and it's socially acceptable to shit on the South because people that we never knew decided that slavery was a good idea 500 years ago. It's these videos that resonate with us all that make us seem like a different world to them.

We all know this guy, and we all have one like him in our crew. Here's to you, bro. May the road rise to meet you, and may the sun shine warmly on your back. May your days be merry and bright.

PS - He's clearly the smartest guy in his crew because not only was he the only person not drinking Natty in the shot but also he was the only person using a Yeti Koozie, the gold standard in Koozies. Seriously, if you don't have one, get one, and thank me later.

PPS - This is pretty much the end. We can't even watch sports with our friends any more in privacy. Gone are the days when you could lost in the moment and not have to worry about the world seeing your inner thighs. Goddam NSA...

Indianapolis Colts hire the Quarterback Whisperer, Brian Schottenheimer

"Which way is the end zone? I forget." We know.

Associated Press - The Indianapolis Colts hired Brian Schottenheimer as their quarterbacks coach Monday.

Schottenheimer has been coaching for 19 years, 16 in the NFL. He was Georgia's offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach last season and spent the previous three seasons as offensive coordinator of the St. Louis Rams. He held the same position with the New York Jets for six seasons.


Schottenheimer also has coached with the Chargers, Redskins and Chiefs.

Great news, y'all. The Quarterback Whisperer is back where he belongs, the NFL. The NFL is the one league that a last name can guarantee you a gig for life, so it and BS are perfect for each other. In no other profession other than maybe meteorology can you be as ineffective at your job yet still always find good work.

Let's take a look at the results that Coach BS has gotten throughout the years.

Seriously, it's like the AFC South has declared war on each other to see who can be the most incompetent. The Titans raised the bar by not only hiring a retread coach but also by hiring a retread with no history of success ever. It's this kind of bold thinking that has allowed them to lose 30 of their last 37 games.

Well, the Colts won't stand by idly and lose the upper hand. No, they had to go great creative and hire a proven bottom-third offensive mind to tutor their franchise quarterback. That should do the trick.

I'm afraid my criticism may come across as anti coach. That's not the case. I'm anti bad coach. I'm also not of the opinion that all coaches are infallible and shouldn't be questioned. Somehow, the narrative has become that coaches are smarter than they really are. If they are so brilliant, why don't they do much in their life away from football? Guys like Belichick and Saban would probably be successful in whatever they chose to do, but they chose football. However, guys like Jim Tomsula, Mike Pettine, and Houston Nutt chose football because that was their best chance to make tons of money not because they were exceptional minds.

My biggest issue with the incestuous nature of the NFL coaching ranks is that it is in direct contrast with what we love about sports. We love sports, particularly professional sports, because the best player plays (unless he likes to party, in that case Austin Davis plays.) regardless of social standing or lineage. Tom Brady isn't the quarterback of the Patriots because of who he knows or who his father is. He's the quarterback because he's the best. Sports is the ultimate meritocracy. They keep score for a reason.

I don't care for the ironic nature of the business. Coaches want the best and most from their players, yet they stick with convenience and comfort on their staffs regardless of past success or usually lack there of. 

Brian Schottenheimer would be the first person to tell you that his success and job standings in the NFL has nothing to do with his last name, and sadly I actually agree. While he probably wouldn't have gotten the initial opportunity without his last name, he continues to get work because he has had work because once you're in NFL coaching, you're in as long as you want to work.   

Underrated Banger of the Week: Goo Goo Dolls - "Broadway"

Not getting their proper due is basically the story of the Goo Goo Dolls. They had arguably the single biggest radio hit in the 90s with "Iris" and yet somehow aren't that rich. 

Johnny Rzeznik is only worth $14 million. Let that be a lesson to you youngsters out there. Don't get married before you get famous because you will be getting a divorce, and life ain't fair. She's leaving with half.

Rachel Bilson is worth more money than he is. That's so sad.

Any who, Broadway is an absolute banger than never really got its due. It peaked at only No. 24 on the Hot 100 and never really resonated with radio. Still doesn't change the fact that the song is an absolute banger, and Goo knew it too as it made their Greatest Hits album. 

We Can Now Officially Knock Off the Sean Penn is a Hero Chatter

"Oops, Sorry. I was just thinking about myself."

New York Times - The actor Sean Penn said he has “a terrible regret” that the capture of the Mexican drug lord known as El Chapo has distracted from his article in Rolling Stone, which he had hoped would start a national conversation about the war on drugs.

“My article has failed,” Mr. Penn told the CBS host Charlie Rose in an interview to be broadcast Sunday on “60 Minutes.” An excerpt was released Friday.

Mr. Penn denied that his meeting with Mr. Guzmán had contributed to his subsequent capture. He said he believed the Mexican government said it had tracked his visit in part because they wanted to blame him and to encourage the cartel to put him in their cross hairs.

“There is this myth about the visit that we made, my colleagues and I, with El Chapo, that it was — as the Attorney General of Mexico is quoted — ‘essential’ to his capture,” Mr. Penn said. “We had met with him many weeks earlier, on October 2nd, in a place nowhere near where he was captured.”

So for those who don't know, I hate Sean Penn. Like legitimately hate him. He's probably my least favorite American. He believes knows that his opinion should could more than yours because he has been to Iraq. Please tell us more, Sean.

Last Saturday night, the story about Penn's interviewing the mass-murdering drug lord broke, and I fired off this Tweet which consequently showed everything that is wrong with America from both sides. Delusional leftists believed that said murder indeed demanded more respect that a Republican and delusional right wingers somehow brought Obama into the discussion. What a world!

However, the occasional person dropped the note that Penn's interview was directly related to the capture of Guzman and that Penn was somewhat of a hero in an "ends justify the means". I'm a results-oriented guy, so I had to bite my tongue on that one.

Well not any more. Suck it Twitter. He was no hero. He had met Guzman months before and not peep came from it. He had no intention whatsoever of bringing this man to justice. Quite the opposite really, he wanted to further his own agenda because that's what he does. Wise and all-knowing Sean knows best. He's not a hero. He's a raging narcissist. The world can now go back to as it was.

Ben McAdoo, Fashion Icon

In case you missed it, Ben McAdoo absolutely murdered his suit in his introductory press conference today. He really nails the Midwestern cut.

All jokes aside, what were people expecting? This is a man that rocks Oakley half jackets and sports a goatee at 38. Those guys don't exactly have their closets lined with Armani, Zegna, and Vanquish. And you know what? I dig it. I want my football coach concerned with football not fashion. And that's just what Ben McAdoo is all about. Let's look at his greatest hits.

How many guys ever put together a game winning game plan at Bloomingdales? That's what I thought. Keep doing you McAdoo.

A Microcosm of the 2015-16 Memphis Grizzlies Through the Art of Vine

Welp, here we are, folks. We've officially hit the point where we're so desperate for anything positive with the Grizzlies that even ineptitude followed by a mix of skill and more luck is cause to celebrate.




Listen, I get that Chalmers was attempting to miss the free throw in order to win the game, but that isn't the point. The point is that it's taking a decent-to-healthy amount of luck even to beat the mediocre teams right now. That is the tagline of the 2015-16 Grizzlies. The roster is limited. It can only win games one way, ugly and with a little luck (depending on the opponent, a lot of luck). The games have to be ugly, and almost everything has to go to script for them to win against .500 or better teams.

The bigger issue is that the Grizzlies have to keep winning with a limited roster on both the injury and talent fronts because any finish outside of the playoffs eliminates a draft pick for a team that isn't getting any younger. Well, at least we're playing the younger guys and have hope for tomorrow...

Who's Next? Celebrity Deaths come in threes

Source - Actor Alan Rickman, known for films including Harry Potter, Die Hard and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, has died at the age of 69, his family has said.

The star had been suffering from cancer, a statement said.

He became one of Britain's best-loved acting stars thanks to roles including Professor Snape in the Harry Potter films and Hans Gruber in Die Hard.

First, way to bury the lede and leave out his work in Galaxy Quest.

Second, the death of Rickman is actually very sad because he was a "no plays off" guy. He obviously brought his star to a whole new audience with the Harry Potter series, but anytime he was on the screen he was always good. To me that's the mark of a great actor.

However, the bigger issue at hand is we are now officially in crisis mode. I joking thought to myself, "I wonder who will be next" after reading about the death of David Bowie, and unfortunately Mr. Rickman was. Noteably, both suffered from cancer and both died at the age of 69.

Then the spirit of Murrow and Cronkite filled me, and I headed straight for google to locate celebrities that are 69 because as we all know, celebrity deaths come in threes.

Panic immediately ensued as names like Steven Spielberg, Eugene Levy, Sally Field, Pat Sajak (Holy shit! That dude is 69? Who knew?), Suzanne Somers (Still would), Daryl Hall (Live at Daryl's House is a sneaky great show), Susan Sarandon, Charles Dance (fingers crossed somehow Tywin comes back), Oliver Stone (Say what you want about the man's sanity, but I want to see Snowden), Tommy Lee Jones, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Gallagher, THE Reverend Al Green, Danny Glover, Ed O'Neil, and Liza Minelli (Who I still don't get why is famous. Sure your mom was Dorthy, but I don't see what that means I have to fight back vomit whenever you're on the screen in Arrested Development.).

Ironically, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Donald Trump are all 69. I wouldn't have ever guessed that. I also, don't know how I would have guessed if I had to rank them by age. either, but I digress.

The bigger issue here is that we have to identify who is next. Obviously we have some no touch people for the Big Man Upstairs as they're still producing for us. Spielberg, Tommy Lee Jones, Daryl Hall, Oliver Stone, Sylvester Stalone, and Ed O'Neil all fall into that category, so we have to save them.

I don't want to insult God by offering up Gallagher or Cher because I feel like he might get so offended that he would take two more instead of just one. We can't have that. Too many good names are still out there on the board.

Which leaves us with only one choice. Susan Sarandon, you're on the clock. Not only is she 69 years of age, but also she has been one in the Biblical sense with David Bowie and she has played a woman dying of cancer in Stepmom which is basically the same thing.

Listen, I don't wish death upon anyone, but facts are facts. These deaths come in threes and there's only one obvious choice. I hope she has her affairs in order because she has like 48-72 hours to live. May she go in peace. She will be missed.

PS - Kinda glad that she and Tim Robbins broke up because I would hate for him to be so upset that his work deteriorates because dude still has his fastball. He's hilarious in The Brink if you haven't seen it.



  

Tonight in Bill Walton

What a treasure Bill Walton is. Part of me doesn't even think that he was joking when he had to ask Pasch if Dave was indeed his first name. Late night hoops is Walton's World, and we're just allowed to live in it.

Other highlights from the night include:

• His calling Green Day, a band that has already been inducted into the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame, "the future". 
• His consistently talking over his partner.
• His accusing his partner of avoiding him.
• His telling Pasch that "This is TV".
• His asking Pasch if he does anything other than "read the cards".
• His referring to Deshaun Watson as the "that quarterback of the orange team" and O.J. Howard as "that guy on the white team".
• His adding "the conference of champions" after any mention of the Pac-12.
• Generally using bully-like tactics against Pasch.
• His not understanding why SMU is ineligble 

NCAA Actually Gets Something Right

Huge win for everyone really, here. For once common sense prevailed in an issue involving the NCAA. Players can now get a realistic draft grade and make an informed decision about whether or not to enter the draft.

While kids will still be forced to sit out a year following high school, the NCAA isn't at fault on that one. That is the NBA Player's association's. They're the ones that have mandated that rule.

Is there any other profession in America where you're legally prevented from profiting of your skill set because of age? Sports is the only one that comes to mind. It's the only profession where you are bound from capitalizing on your talent. It's unamerican really...

Regardless, everyone wins on this front (minus the kids that are talented enough to be NBA players straight from high school). NBA talent evaluators are very honest in their opinions, so by offering kids the ability to go not only to the combine but also try out for an NBA team while still giving them the ability to go back to school if the grade isn't up to par, everyone wins. If a kid enters the draft and falls, that's on him.

The only possible concern is that now some schools might be hung out to dry with a current player's testing the waters, but basketball recruiting is usually completed a year in advance so most team's will no where they stand with their own kid. Also, most teams will be willing to wait for a kid that has legitimate NBA ability versus trying to find a roster filler at the last second.

Give credit where credit is due, the NCAA got this one right.

Good to see Dan Hawkins getting his name back out there

Source - An open records request filed by the News-Star revealed ULM received 35 applications for the university’s head-coaching position.

Dan Hawkins, who served as the head coach at Boise State and Colorado, former Houston coach Tony Levine, Tennessee tight ends coach Larry Scott, former North Texas offensive coordinator Mike Canales and ULM alum Chris Scelfo were the only applicants with FBS head-coaching experience.

Hawkins averaged 10 wins a year at Boise from 2001-05 and parlayed that into the Colorado job in 2006. He couldn’t replicate the same success in Boulder and was fired during the 2010 season after winning 19 games in just under four seasons.

Couple of things, first, this move by the Monroe News Star might have completely changed the coaching search game. No group of professionals are consistently more full of shit than football programs but especially during coaching searches. Amazingly, everyone always seems to get their first choice. Well, now with this paper showing that you can file an open records request, we can now call bull shit on them.

When USC hires the next Clay Helton and says that he was the only coach ever considered, we can now call bull shit, and after 14 days, we can prove it. Huge win for guys who hate coach speak.

However most importantly, it's good to see Dan Hawkins name out there again. For those that don't know who he is, he was Chris Petersen before Chris Petersen. For those that don't know who Chris Petersen is, he was the coach at Boise State when they ran the Statue of Liberty play to beat Oklahoma. I'm glad to see Hawkins' name out there, not because I'm particularly fond of his coaching, but mainly because I get reminded of his Colorado tenure and most importantly the time that Cartman introduced the starting lineup during a broadcast.

"Because he's the coaches son." Classic Dan Hawkins.

Who Needs Viagra When You've Got a Tweet Like This?

Whooooo! If that tweet doesn't make you feel it in the loins as a fan, nothing will. Nothing like the thought of a retread hire of someone that was less successful than the guy you just fired to give you that afternoon lift you needed to finish the workday strong.

Let's take a look at the candidates. Mike Smith, come on down.

Overall, not a bad body of work save for the fact that he's 1-4 in the playoffs, and that can usually be attributed to quarterback play. Matt Ryan is fine, but in every matchup against a better player (Kurt Warner, Aaron Rodgers, Eli Manning), he was beaten. The outlier is 2012 when the Falcons lost to Colin Kaepernick, but anyone that watched his performance during playoffs thought their TV had somehow flipped to a game of Madden.

Honestly, I'm such a sad state that I think I just talked myself into Mike Smith. My single biggest hangup is that he made a name for himself by coaching the Ravens defense when they had Ray Lewis in his prime. 

Here's a list of people that Ray Lewis got NFL head coaching gigs: Mike Smith, Chuck Pagano, Mike Pettine, Marvin Lewis, Rex Ryan, Mike Singletary, Mike Nolan, and Jack Del Rio. These coaching stalwarts have combined for a 353-356-2 (.497) record in the regular season and a sizzling 6-15 record in the playoffs with Rex Ryan accounting for four of those wins.

And then there's Doug Marrone. 

Pluses, he has won twice within the city limits (Nothing puts you on the map like the Pinstripe Bowl, nothing.), and he did actually accomplish a winning season with the Bills. That hadn't been done in a decade. 

Minuses, he did quit on his team, like literally quit. He just opted out of his contract after a winning season. He took his ball and went home.

I'm sick of the retread. Honestly, coaching in the NFL is the single greatest gig around. Once you're in, you're in. You have at the minimum a six-figure job for as long as you want to work so long as you're willing to be an assistant.

However, when is the last time that a retread hire worked? The best arguments are for Belichick, Pete Carroll, and honestly Tom Coughlin, who was slightly above .500 coach who made the most of two playoff runs (Curiously, he finished with a .531 win percentage at both Jacksonville and New York). Belichick was also building something in Cleveland until Art Modell decided to move his team to Baltimore creating a toxic locker room and work environment. Pete Carroll was forced to go back to the college ranks and even that was a struggle to do as he was famously USC's fourth choice to replace Paul Hackett.

Which brings me to my conclusion. Why continue to do the same thing and expect a different result? The retread doesn't work. There are exceptions, but that's what they are. For every Pete Carroll, there's a Lovie Smith. For every Bill Belichick, there's a John Fox. 

It's time to think differently. The city needs to get more Urban, and by that I mean, go get Urban Meyer. Sure, his success has been limited to the college game, but he's won everywhere he has been. Bowling Green, He won. Utah, He won. Florida, He's the only person not named Spurrier to win big at Florida (sneak overrated job). Ohio State, he won and did so before anyone expected him to.

Parcells likes to say that you are what your record says you are. Urban is a winner. He can handle the egos of an NFL locker room, and he has shown that he can run a team full of criminals, two skills necessary to succeed in the NFL.     

I don't care that he's a fraud. I don't care that he's a hypocrite. He's not saving lives. He's coaching football. Give me the one who wins and doesn't care what gets in the way. Give me Urban, the city could use a little more of it.

The Reign of Terror Continues

Source - As if the sports marketing world needed another sign that the 22-year-old is "the real thing," the golfer has signed a deal with Coca-Cola. Neither the company nor his agent, Jay Danzi, would confirm the financials of the partnership other than to say it the multiyear deal will be one of the biggest the company has made with an athlete.

Spieth will appear on everything from television commercials to digital and social media as well as point-of-sale and on packaging for Coca-Cola products as well as its water brand Dasani.

With his performance over the last year, Spieth has vaulted himself into an exclusive category. One source familiar with the deal said that, internally, he's on the same level as LeBron James (who had his own Sprite flavor for the past two years), Jennifer Aniston (Smartwater) and Taylor Swift (Diet Coke).

I've made no secret that I'm still a Rory guy first and foremost, and stuff like this is why.

Jordan Spieth's Reign of Terror continues. He lives modestly, draws inspiration from his autistic sister, and does essentially none of the stuff we would do if we conquered our profession at 22, like helping people out.

When Rory conquered the world, he did exactly what we all would have done. He punted his then girlfriend for a new hotter one, but not before saying "Sup?" to a model or two. He bought the farthest thing from a modest house and sold out to the highest bidder on his club deal. That's my guy. He's relatable.

Spieth has now entered a new stratosphere. Quick check of the names he was just mentioned with:

(Peasant)

Sigh. 

PS - At least he's going bald. Props to the big man upstairs for trying to keep it fair.

Collateral Damage: The First Domino of CFP Ratings begins to fall

Source - Despite the efforts of the College Football Playoff committee and some media outlets downplaying the financial hit ESPN took by being forced to televise the two national championship semi-final games on New Year’s Eve, media buyers say the network owes upwards of $20 million in ad make goods for ratings shortfalls for the two games.

ESPN may have gotten a bit greedy when setting its ratings estimates and offering higher guarantee levels to advertisers for the two games, knowing audiences might not flock to their TV sets, despite the optimism of the CFP committee. However, advertisers are concerned about next season’s potential audience levels for the games, which will also be televised on New Year’s Eve. Even if the ratings guarantees by ESPN are set lower, advertisers would prefer the games be moved to New Year’s Day or even on consecutive primetime nights, exclusive of New Year’s Eve, when more people would likely watch.

But CFP committee officials are on record as adamantly supporting the continued airing of the playoff series games on New Year’s Eve as scheduled, which will occur in seven of the remaining 10 years of the 12-year original deal. And that position has been taken even after the 36% combined ratings decline for the two games was disclosed.

Wait just a minute! You're telling me that when TV ratings drop 40 percent from the previous year that there might be consequences?!? Huh, that is all very interesting.

While everyone loves to bash ESPN (looking at me, here), I don't think they are at fault here. I actually believe the ratings drop could be part of a greater plan.

Say what you want about their personalities and on-air talent, but I don't think anyone among us would suggest that ESPN isn't good at what their primary objective is -- broadcasting games. The truth is that ESPN didn't become the unquestioned leader in sports broadcasting with idiots at the controls, and while they do shove original content and programming that insists upon itself down our throats, the powers that be know that the lifeblood of the organization is broadcasting live games. So, I actually think that this current predicament could actually result in a win for the consumer, a rarity today for cable subscribers.

Here's the truth about the College Football Playoff: though packaged differently, it's still the bowl system. In fact, it has unintentionally given the bowl games more power. The BCS only had to cater to cater to the Rose and Sugar four bowls whereas the playoff is now tied to six. The BCS largely could control scheduling while keeping the bowls happy.

In the early years of the BCS, there was an understanding that when your bowl game was the national title game, it would be moved from its traditional date to a stand-alone date after New Year's Day to increase ratings and therefore television money. This meant that the Rose Bowl would be able to keep its coveted 5 p.m. eastern time slot, and additionally, the Sugar Bowl would be able to keep its primetime slot on New Year's Day. The Orange and Fiesta Bowls showed that they didn't care about their time slot or date rather they just wanted a seat at the table.

When the BCS added the stand-alone title game, everyone was able to go back to their traditional time slot as the game was essentially just a new bowl game that rotated among the four BCS bowl sites on a yearly basis. Therefore, the Rose was able to keep its coveted New Years Day slot, and the Sugar Bowl showed that as long as its game was featured in primetime that it would agree to a floating date.

Enter the CFP and more importantly the addition of two more, featured bowl games. The CFP decides that its featured games (semi-finals included), the New Year's Six, will all be played on either New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. This is where everything breaks down.

Much of the blame for the scheduling has been thrown at the Rose Bowl, somewhat deservedly so but not entirely deservedly so. The Rose Bowl would not concede its traditional time slot, and neither would the Sugar Bowl (the silent assassin).

Since ESPN is years away from ever realistically broadcasting the Super Bowl (Don't kid yourself, that's their goal), having the entire college football playoff and the games that go with it, is the next best option, so they're in the business of keeping those games and their executives happy. In addition to the Orange and Fiesta, the Cotton and Peach Bowls were also happy to kiss the ring as they didn't previously have a seat at the adult's table, so the Rose and Sugar Bowls once again were king. It's not a coincidence that they got the first crack at being the semi-finals.

Here's another fact about the Rose and Sugar Bowls, the people that run them saw Gone with the Wind in theaters on opening weekend. They're not really open to change.

But, and this is why, I'm not convinced that the ratings drop isn't part of the plan--cash is the real king. ESPN knew that forcing the hand of the two biggest power players probably wasn't going to be best for business, particularly considering Fox has now very much entered into the fray and NBC has been expanding its game rights collection too. If it tried to bully the two big dogs, they were taking their ball and going home. Therefore, they decided the intellectual children them see the results for themselves.

Ratings are down and now the advertisers (the people that are really paying for this) are pissed, but are you really telling me that Disney and ESPN didn't know what they were doing? Take a look at Disney's purchases.

    

I'm not buying it. Disney didn't become the second-largest media company while ESPN became the largest sports broadcasting company with idiotic decisions, and the decision to play the playoff on New Years Eve at 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. were idiotic. You know how we know it was idiotic? Everyone was saying this exact thing when it was announced. The closest thing to a defense that we got was "It's the playoffs. People will still watch." That works for the NFL (fantasy football/gambling implications), a national brand, but it doesn't fly when you're dealing with college football, largely a regional product.

The Super Bowl has about 130 million viewers each year while the highest-rated regular season game in 2015 didn't reach 30 million viewers. Ratings are about bringing in the casual fan. The casual college football fan isn't worried about watching a game that he knows nothing about on New Year's Eve. He's worried about casual sex. Dabo won't make him feel it in the loins, and he certainly won't make anyone yell out YABO! with a stranger after the ball drops. And, that my friends is the reality of it all.

 The Alabama hardcore fan will watch the playoff regardless of scheduling, but that's not the fan that drives ratings. The fan that drives ratings is the guy who's miserably hungover on New Year's Day and just wants to watch some football while not feeling guilty that he has no intention of showering. New Year's Day is college football's day. It's the day most closely associated with the sport. 

The best chance that we have to see real change is that ratings continue to underwhelm and therefore creating less money. I'm willing to bet that that was also the same bet that ESPN took when it agreed to the current playoff schedule.

When Keeping it Real Goes Right

I've got a couple of thoughts, here. First, honesty is always the best policy. They teach you that in grade school, so hats off to this guy if he is being sincere.

This is a guy you can trust, and we could all use someone like him in our gang. Everyone needs the honesty guy. He's the guy that will keep it real and will remind you that what you're wearing or what you did with your hair looks stupid. He's an invaluable member to any group.

However, I would like to offer another thought. Can we talk about "the reporter" for just a minute? It's tough to be more local news than this chick. If you just close your eyes and hear her talk, you immediately assume she's local news girl, and she doesn't disappoint. The spirit of Cronkite and Murrow live on through her relentless reporting.

Part of me thinks that this guy is just saying whatever it takes to get her away because she is not only bothering every single person in the room but most importantly, she's bothering him. Perhaps the only guy more important to the crew than "honesty guy" is "Fuck off" guy. This guy hero is the guy that says what everyone is thinking and is necessary while still affording you the opportunity to get laid. He's like the anti-cheerleader effect. Instead of your looking better because you're with better looking people, you look better because you're not him. And that my friends, is what it's all about.

Here's to you Mr. Fuck Off guy. You're not the hero we deserve, but you are the hero we need.