Who's Next? Celebrity Deaths come in threes

Source - Actor Alan Rickman, known for films including Harry Potter, Die Hard and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, has died at the age of 69, his family has said.

The star had been suffering from cancer, a statement said.

He became one of Britain's best-loved acting stars thanks to roles including Professor Snape in the Harry Potter films and Hans Gruber in Die Hard.

First, way to bury the lede and leave out his work in Galaxy Quest.

Second, the death of Rickman is actually very sad because he was a "no plays off" guy. He obviously brought his star to a whole new audience with the Harry Potter series, but anytime he was on the screen he was always good. To me that's the mark of a great actor.

However, the bigger issue at hand is we are now officially in crisis mode. I joking thought to myself, "I wonder who will be next" after reading about the death of David Bowie, and unfortunately Mr. Rickman was. Noteably, both suffered from cancer and both died at the age of 69.

Then the spirit of Murrow and Cronkite filled me, and I headed straight for google to locate celebrities that are 69 because as we all know, celebrity deaths come in threes.

Panic immediately ensued as names like Steven Spielberg, Eugene Levy, Sally Field, Pat Sajak (Holy shit! That dude is 69? Who knew?), Suzanne Somers (Still would), Daryl Hall (Live at Daryl's House is a sneaky great show), Susan Sarandon, Charles Dance (fingers crossed somehow Tywin comes back), Oliver Stone (Say what you want about the man's sanity, but I want to see Snowden), Tommy Lee Jones, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Gallagher, THE Reverend Al Green, Danny Glover, Ed O'Neil, and Liza Minelli (Who I still don't get why is famous. Sure your mom was Dorthy, but I don't see what that means I have to fight back vomit whenever you're on the screen in Arrested Development.).

Ironically, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Donald Trump are all 69. I wouldn't have ever guessed that. I also, don't know how I would have guessed if I had to rank them by age. either, but I digress.

The bigger issue here is that we have to identify who is next. Obviously we have some no touch people for the Big Man Upstairs as they're still producing for us. Spielberg, Tommy Lee Jones, Daryl Hall, Oliver Stone, Sylvester Stalone, and Ed O'Neil all fall into that category, so we have to save them.

I don't want to insult God by offering up Gallagher or Cher because I feel like he might get so offended that he would take two more instead of just one. We can't have that. Too many good names are still out there on the board.

Which leaves us with only one choice. Susan Sarandon, you're on the clock. Not only is she 69 years of age, but also she has been one in the Biblical sense with David Bowie and she has played a woman dying of cancer in Stepmom which is basically the same thing.

Listen, I don't wish death upon anyone, but facts are facts. These deaths come in threes and there's only one obvious choice. I hope she has her affairs in order because she has like 48-72 hours to live. May she go in peace. She will be missed.

PS - Kinda glad that she and Tim Robbins broke up because I would hate for him to be so upset that his work deteriorates because dude still has his fastball. He's hilarious in The Brink if you haven't seen it.