Where Has My Country Gone? Adidas Doing Adidas

The Olympic uniform was released at the PGA Merchandising Show in Florida today, and I think I'm going to be sick.

Listen I'm not hear to talk about how Adidas was founded by a Nazi. That's neither here nor there. I'm here to focus on the facts and #FactsOnly even though Adidas was founded by a man named Adolf who equipped the Nazi Army. 

I'm also not here to discuss the fact that people have been charged with treason for lesser offenses than allowing a German outfitter to be the official sponsor of the United States Olympic Team. Again, that's not what I want to talk about.

I especially don't want to discuss how Adidas is such a well-run operation that they told Michael Jordan, "Thanks, but no thanks," when he wanted to sign with the outfitter upon turning professional.

None of those things matter to me right now.

What I do want to talk about is how disgusting these uniforms are. America has one of the easiest color schemes ever not to fuck up. Red, White, and Blue sells itself. Don't mess with it. 

Seriously, they're wearing a flag shirt. That's not a joke. That's for real.

Yet again Adidas accepts an impossible challenge and earns Best In Show. Let's take a look at some of Adidas' Greatest Hits.

Quietly Adidas' Finest Work was somehow ruining UCLA's jerseys, which were long thought to be the gold standard in college uniforms.

  

You want to know how bad Adidas golf apparel is? The two most famous German golfers alive are Martin Kaymer and Berhard Langer. Neither wear Adidas apparel (Kaymer does wear an Adidas shoe). Hell, both even have club deals with TaylorMade-Adidas and don't wear their clothes. You literally can't pay them to wear Adidas, and THEY'RE GERMAN!

I don't understand why we are even letting Germans design clothes. Has anyone ever looked to Germany for artistic inspiration?!? No, by definition they are the opposite of artistic. They are mechanical and efficient. That's why we let them build cars and planes (until they started using those planes in an attempt to take over the world). That's their lane.

And, don't give me, "Well they won the bid," nonsense either. If ISIS won the bid, would they get to outfit us too? I didn't think so. It's time we stop negotiating with terrorists. And, make no mistake, what Adidas does to a uniform is terrorism. Where has my country gone? Thanks Obama....