PSA: Jose Canseco Has a Hot Daughter

First thought, this makes me happy. Not the fact that he made a hot daughter, but the fact that he made a hot daughter who takes pictures with her clothes off. Hang with me.

Most guys who probably aren't exactly all square with the Lord have the same fear - having a daughter that inevitably will be a ore with a capital W, and make no mistake a girl who take pictures like that knows her way around a dick. It's nice to see what goes around does come around even to rich guys.

My single biggest fear in life, other than needles, (totally rational too, forged metal that is designed to puncture the skin should be both respected and feared.) is having a slutty daughter. One of my best friends used to play upon this fear by telling me that he was going to tell his hypothetical three boys that their sole goal in life was to nail my hypothetical three daughters. True Story. If my wife, who might be graduating to diapers at any moment, births a girl, I'm doing my fatherly duty by packing up and moving us all to Switzerland. I can't take that risk. The best defense is a good offense.

PS - Jose naming his daughter Josie is so Canseco it hurts.

Nerd Alert: First Photos of the Jedi Temple From Episode VIII Have Surface

Source TMZ

(TMZ) - Ancient buildings have sprung up on the Ireland set of "Star Wars: Episode VIII" -- the same location where Rey tracked down Luke at the end of 'The Force Awakens.'

The 'Star Wars' supernerds (relax, we mean it lovingly) have already confirmed the name of the planet is "Ahch-To" ... and it IS where the first Jedi temple is located in 'Star Wars' mythology. 

In. Spirit of full disclosure, I had a dream about Episode VIII last night, and I don't mean that I was dreaming about seeing it, I mean that I was dreaming the plot. All my friends were there -- Kylo, Rae, Storm Troopers, Imperial Star Destroyers, Kylo's shuttle, the whole nine yards.

I couldn't be more pumped for a movie, and I don't care how much that statement will prevent me from getting laid. It's the middle episode, so that means the bad guys win, which means I win. Also, hats off the Disney for ending the whole you have to wait three years to get a new story. They're a bottom-line company, so let's crank those bad boys out as quickly as possible, and now even more so since ESPN isn't exactly adding to the bottom line like it used to. Win for us.

Without further adieu.

Grab Some Oven Mitts. Huff Po is Coming in Hot with an A-Bomb Take!

(Huff Po) - President Barack Obama will be the first sitting American president to visit Hiroshima this month. However, his administration is refusing to apologize for the dropping of the two atomic bombs and has embarked on a trillion-dollar program to revitalize America’s nuclear arsenal which threatens to provoke a new global nuclear weapons race.

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said he thought that Obama “appreciates that President Truman made the decision [to drop the bomb on Hiroshima] for the right reasons. Those reasons included a focus on the security of the United States and ending a terrible war. I think given the way that President Truman approached this dilemma and given the outcome, I think it’s hard to look back and second guess him too much.”

Considerable historical evidence however refutes this viewpoint. We now know that the Truman administration deliberately inflated casualty estimates for a planned invasion of Kyushu after the war. Declassified files reveal that US military planners projected 20,000-46,000 American lives as the cost of landing, and not one hundred thousand or a million as some later officials claimed.

We also know that given the destruction of Japan’s air and naval power, and Soviet plans to enter the war, Japan’s surrender could have likely been secured before this invasion took place. There is even the possibility the government deliberately prolonged the war so as to test its new super-weapon on the Japanese in order to justify the billion dollar taxpayer investment in the Manhattan project.

The moral of the story is that the Pacific War was not necessarily a contest between good and evil as it is presented in U.S. nationalist mythology. If the Times is going to criticize Hiroshima’s peace park, it should push for acknowledgment of the complexity of the war’s origins and mutual blame all around, which should be featured in U.S. museum sites like Pearl Harbor too.

Since Obama won’t do it, his successor at the same time should apologize once and for all for the horrors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This would give some weight to any genuine push in the direction of a nuclear free world, which is something we should all be striving for.

First, I would love to see some sourcing on the claim that the Truman administration overstated casualty estimates because I have yet to find support for his claim.

I did however find the Journal for Military History's published findings about similar claims.

"In its 30 August 1944 annex, the planners noted the number of Japanese troops which could be made available to defend the Home Islands--- 3,500,000 --- and extrapolated that number against a not yet complete count of the destroyed Japanese garrison. The JPS committee concluded: 'In our Saipan operation, it cost approximately one American killed and several wounded to exterminate seven Japanese soldiers. On this basis it might cost us half a million American lives and many times that number wounded . . . in the home islands.'"

From this point forward, military strategist adopted the Saipan ratio to determine the approximate number of casualties for a battle with the Japanese.

For the record, the projection that American would suffer two million casualties, was overstated. The decision makers agreed.

"Eventually those numbers would reach what General LeMay described as “well up into the imaginative brackets and then some,” because it was clear that American forces would have to fight literally “millions of well-trained men.” And unlike the final death throes in Germany, which saw Soviet troops engage the bulk of German strength and suffer 352,475 casualties (including 78,291 dead) during their final, twenty-three-day assault on Berlin and centralGermany, the twin U.S. invasions of the Japanese Home Islands were to be conducted almost exclusively by American forces." 

"The implied top-end figure of approximately 1,700,000 to 2,000,000 battle casualties built on the basis of the Saipan ratio was slashed down to a best-case scenario figure that was not so huge as to make the task ahead appear insurmountable, and use of a 500,000 battle casualty figure was “the operative one at the working level” during the spring of 1945." 

"This smaller figure, however, was based on the assumption that the U.S. military would learn to counter Japanese tactics, and it neglected the fact that, as evidenced by the casualty ratios then emerging from Iwo Jima and Okinawa, the Imperial Japanese Army was likewise learning from its experiences. Thus, the “low” 500,000 number for total battle casualties, used widely in briefings, was a best-case estimate not accepted for strategic planning purposes, and it had no effect on the greatly increased Selective Service call-up, the expansion of the Army's training base, or the plans of the Transportation Corps, Medical Corps, and other U.S. Army organizations. For example, at the same time that the lower figure came into use, the Army Service Forces was working with an estimate of “approximately” 720,000 for the projected number of replacements needed for “dead and evacuated wounded” through 31 December 1946."

So, let me get this straight. The Japanese refusal to surrender in spite of certain defeat should not be supportive evidence to the fact that they were unlikely to surrender given an invasion? Ok...What else you got?

Also, they knew that we were going to have to invade, and they knew where we were going to have to invade. If only we had an example during this time period of what would happen during such an event....Today must be our lucky day because in fact we do.

Let's see the Allies suffered at least 225,000 casualties during the Normandy invasion while the Germans suffered at least 400,000 with some estimates reaching as high as 530,000, but no, you keep digging in on this unreasoned stance.

That fact doesn't even account for the reality that Germans wished to surrender to Allies rather than other enemies because they would be treated more humanely, but keep doing you.

And to your final point that while the Japanese did evil things, we weren't innocent either. Skrong take.

The war in the Pacific was brutal. Yes, atrocities were committed by both sides. But refusing to take prisoners on the account that it could make you vulnerable to an ambush isn't exactly the same as a democide of six million people. It is war after all.

I'd also like to submit another sourced fact that Japanese POW death rate at the hands of the US army was "relatively low" while the American POW death rate at the hands of the Imperial Japanese Army was 27 percent according to Yuki Tanaka. #FactsOnly

However, all of these facts are useless because the entire premise of the Historian, Intellectual, Activist's (his words, not mine) argument is that the Imperial Japanese Army would surrender when every shred of evidence doesn't support his claim. The fact remains that the Japanese were given ample warning on June 26, 1945 unless you don't consider the following a warning.

"We call upon the government of Japan to proclaim now the unconditional surrender of all Japanese armed forces, and to provide proper and adequate assurances of their good faith in such action. The alternative for Japan is prompt and utter destruction." 

I could see how those words could be left to interpretation.

PS - We're all in agreement that the President leans a little to the left and has earned the label as an ideologue with some reasonable evidence. If anyone were to sympathize with this cause, it would be the President. He's actively digging in on not. Shouldn't that fact deserve some merit?

Thank God for John Daly. He Always Has Something to Pick Me Up When I'm Feeling Blue.

So, I spent the entire day telling anyone that would ask that I really believed that the Thunder were the better team right now. I know Golden State won a record-setting amount of games, but if you really think this is the same team that did that, then I've got nothing for you. OKC is switching on Curry and is frustrating him to no end. They have driven Draymond insane and not the he's playing out of his mind insane rather the he's kicking people in the dick insane.

Pretty sure the Warriors didn't get a stop the entire second quarter either, which is a bold strategy considering they're only shooting 4-of-12 from three and are 9-of-17 from the free throw line.

So, needless to say, I've been feeling pretty shitty since the second quarter started because I didn't take the OKC money line. I didn't want it all day. I needed it. I kept waiting for it to go up just a little more because I knew come game time that people would hammer the Warriors because everyone would remember that the team that wore their jerseys from November to April won 73 games. Rookie mistake. I lived rent free in my own head.

Always trust your gut. Always. Rule No. 2 behind Scared Money Don't Make Money.

However, just when I think I could feel any worse, John Daly goes and does something like this video and reminds me just how important friendship is in times of need.

Seneca once wrote, "One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."

I can think of no one who understands me more than John. Bless you, friend. Bless you.

Pro Tip: When Crediting Historical Power Moves, Make Sure You Know You Power Moves...Or History

(TFM) - From The Monroe Doctrine to the moon landing, here are the proudest moments of America flexing its bulbous nards.

12. Dominating The Olympics

We’ve got over twice as many gold medals as the second winningest country (not even gonna bother looking up who that is).

11. The Panama Canal

We paid foreigners next to nothing so a bunch of them (about 5,600) could die while digging us a hole and we could more easily sell our products to the rest of the world. Also, we picked up the shovel (metaphorically, of course) after France tried to build the canal and failed miserably (suck it).

10. The Moon Landing

Would you look at that? The commies managed to launch a tinker toy they call Sputnik into orbit. That’s cute. But how about we put a motherfucking human being on a motherfucking celestial body so he can drive the star-spangled banner into its surface? One small step for man, one giant middle finger to the rest of mankind.

9. Containment

Reagan wasn’t going to give those commies a single inch – a policy he maintained until the Berlin Wall came crumbling to the ground.

8. The Cuban Missile Crisis

Kennedy effectively cock-blocked the Soviets from supplying ballistic missiles to Cuba by deploying a blockade of America’s finest watercraft, preventing the start of WWIII in the process (which would’ve been in the bag, too, to be honest).

7. Dropping Nukes On Nagasaki and Hiroshima

We ended a six-year war with four years of involvement and 30 kilotons of nuclear freedom. Sorry not sorry, Japan. Even that cuck Obama won’t apologize for it.

6. The Louisiana Purchase

Scooping half a continent for a cool price of $15 million? No one else in the history of the universe has struck a deal that sweet.

5. WWI

Coming into WWI at the tail end and still taking all the credit… you gotta respect it.

4. Declaring Ourselves World Champs For Winning Leagues That Only American Teams Compete In

The redcoats over at the Guardian can’t deal:

3. The Revolution

The power play that started it all. You’re going to make a bunch of rich dudes pay taxes? Not gonna happen, King Georgie. Here’s a declaration signed by all of us telling you exactly how things are going to go down over here in America (hint: you’re not involved). Don’t like it? Go ahead, send those redcoats to die standing in formation while we pick them off from behind trees and bushes and shit, guerilla style. This land is our land, bitch.

2. The Monroe Doctrine

In 1823, Prezzy James Monroe had a message for European countries looking to interfere with states in North and South America: fuck right off. Monroe believed that the Old World and the New World should maintain separate spheres of influence, which is a roundabout way of saying, “Dibs on exploiting the resources of poor nations on this half of the earth, you European cunts. Good luck in Africa.”

1. The Civil War


Of all the conflicts we’ve been in, our deadliest war was the one where we fought ourselves.

First, hats off to TFM for actually writing something that was neither user submitted nor about sex. Progress.

Second, wow, I'm praying going out on a limb by saying that this kid wasn't a history major. Let's review the tape.

Olympic domination - Upheld. Since the games resumed in 1896, the US has won the most gold medals 16 times while we've won the most total medals 13 times. We don't celebrate losing, so obviously only the gold medal count matters. The US also has set the record for most road wins at the Games. Our domination travels.

(Side Note - We've really rewritten history nicely. All these years I've been under the impression that we went over to Berlin in '36 and handed it to the Nazis when in reality they won pretty handedly. Also, say what you want about Nazi and Soviet politics, but there might be something to that whole selective breeding thing they dabbled in. The results from 1956-1992 speak for themselves.)

Panama Canal - Upheld with an asterisk. There's no other way to describe the building of the Panama Canal than as a power move. However, I will add that our pussing out and leaving the Canal Zone cancels out the power move. You can't relent to public pressure and still claim a power move.

Lunar Landing - Unanimously Upheld. We proclaimed that we would be the first to land on the moon and backed it up. #PowerMovesOnly Also, the very definition of a space program is a power move. Tough to think of anything that is a bigger waste of money yet yields more pride than an elite space program.

Containment - Rejected. I'm now beginning to wonder if the author simply doesn't understand power moves rather than history. Containment by its very definition is a middle-ground position. You can't claim a power move while retreating.

The Cuban Missile Crisis - Rejected. You cannot claim a decision that was made as a direct result of a catastrophic failure is a power move. It's a desperation move.

Dropping Nukes on Nagasaki and Hiroshima - Upheld on principle not explanation. The power move was Truman's warning Japan to surrender or else. He then backed up his "or else". 

The Louisiana Purchase - Rejected. You can't claim a power move when you were just the guy who was at the right place at the right time. You didn't do anything. You just happened to be sitting at the right barstool at the precise moment when the chick decided that she wasn't going home tonight without getting screwed. 

WWI - Unanimously rejected. Our military was woefully incompetent. After the war, we took the lead in the peace negotiations and our very own president presented the peace policies that were negatively received by all and weren't even accepted by our own government. Also, those policies led to the start of another World War within 20 years.

Declaring Ourselves World Champs For Winning  Leagues That Only American Teams Compete In - Upheld. Although the power move is declaring our teams world champs while no one argues. A bigger power move is making the rest of the world begrudgingly use "soccer" while in conversation with you to describe the sport that they all uniformly call "football" because you already have a football that's more important and not played by pussies.  

The Revolution - Upheld on a technicality. Declaring independence and war against someone that really doesn't want to get up and go fight is technically a power move. You forced their hand and won. But, blinds were just changing hands, no one was really playing, and everyone was ready to leave. 

The Monroe Doctrine - Rejected. You can't claim a power move if the rest of the world didn't respect it. He should have gone with the Roosevelt Corollary, but he didn't, so, no points for him.

And finally... 

The Civil War - Unanimously rejected only to be appealed by the judges themselves, just so they could unanimously reject it again. We are all dumber for reading that thought. The worst decision in the country's history culminated in the bloodiest conflict in its history that result in effects that are still felt today. What a power play.

Go back to what y'all do best, TFM, aggregating other people's funny thoughts and writing about sex because y'all can't actually write something truly funny or interesting.    

UCLA Joins Growing List of Teams Abandoning Adidas' Sinking Ship

Free at last! Free at last!

(CNN Money) - The $280 million deal with Under Armour (UA) will last for 15 years, industry sources told CNNMoney on Tuesday. The news was first reported by ESPN.

UCLA has been outfitted by Adidas for years. Its current contract began in July 2011 and expires in June 2017. The two sides were in talks to renew that deal but were unable to reach a new agreement by the deadline.

Adidas is basically the Dane Cook of apparel providers right now. It was cool and popular once even though no one could really tell you why. Now it's just sad.

In the last year or so, Adidas has lost its contract with the NBA, Chelsea F.C., Michigan, Tennessee, Wisconsin, and now UCLA, a fact that is a blessing for everyone because what Adidas did to their uniforms should be tried as a war crime.

Think I'm being to harsh on Adidas? They had to publicly tell James Harden to stop wearing Jordans after they handed him $200 million. The only other word that I would allow other than sad to describe that is pathetic.

Adidas already lost the No. 2 spot in the US sportswear market to Under Armour last year, and now they lose again. They're even losing when their stated goal is to increase marketing with US-based sports. Then again, this is the company that decided to move its design headquarters to Brooklyn. Because you know, no one knows what sharp sportswear looks like quite like hipsters. They own the market.

Never Forget

We've Lost Another Plane. Seriously.

(CNN) - An EgyptAir flight heading from Paris to Cairo disappeared from radar with 69 people on board, the airline said.

The plane was flying at 37,000 feet when it disappeared shortly after entering Egyptian airspace, the airline tweeted. The Airbus A320 had 59 passengers and 10 crew members.

Hey, #TeamChemTrails 

We did excellent work on Flight 370, and it's time for us to do what we were put on this earth to do - blatantly ignore pseudosciences like chemistry and figure out what happened to this plane.

Sure, my man @MrTBshaw, who is a "pilot" (we can never be sure these days), presented a "decent" working theory minutes after the news broke that the flight disappeared,

@RivalsJWright @cnnbrk could be electrical failure. There is no positive outcome. This plane is now underwater or on fire in a field. 90/10%

— MrTBshaw (@MrTBshaw) May 19, 2016

But can we be sure that this is the answer? Absolutely not. It would be irresponsible to do so. So hit that bong one more time, people, and let's get to work. I haven't immersed myself in a good conspiracy theory (preferably one with aliens) in a while. I don't want this. I NEED this.

PS - Really glad I live in America. I don't remember the last time I was actually scared to fly. Wait, never mind, I do. It was when I flew to Egypt in 2009. We cannot judge.

9 Signs that You're Smarter than the Average Person

(Indy100) - Scientists have been trying to measure intelligence for hundreds of years, and the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) tests have been one way of doing that.

However IQ tests have received criticism for at best measuring only one aspect of intelligence, and at worst, being "fundamentally flawed."

I've always loved this argument. "I'm really smart except when I have to prove it."

But here are nine other ways you could be smarter than average:

1. You speak more than one language

HA! We didn't save all of Europe from speaking German so that we could speak German. Real heroes go to Europe and make them speak their tongue. What else you got?

2. Having an IQ higher than 100

Wait a minute. So IQ doesn't matter except when it does? Also, I love this take. You are above average if you are above average. Noted.

3. Being the oldest child

As long as you said oldest and not tallest, then I'm good.

4. Being a cat person

(Quickly googles famous cat people) Einstein, Lord Byron, Dickens, Dumas, Cardinal Richelieu irnocially, Newton, Nostradamus, Churchill, Eliot, Lennon among others were all cat people, so they may have a point. HOWEVER, I would offer that these people aren't American, a fact that makes this criterion null and void. We're dog people over here.

5. You have completed a university degree

Check. Thanks, Dad.

6. You’re left handed

Flawed argument. Only like 10 percent of the population is left-handed, so the sample size is much smaller. We normal people have more opportunities for dumb people to enter the pool.


7. You’re a worrier

I'm beginning to feel like this was written by a left-handed girl.

8. You’re funny

I'm beginning to believe that this was written by a left-handed journalists. No group of people on the planet thinks they're funnier with less evidence to support the claim than journalists. 

"You just don't see the irony like I do."

"No, I do. It just wasn't funny because I didn't laugh...or chuckle for that matter."

9. You doubt your intelligence

And what little doubt I had has now completely vanished. This was definitely written by a left-handed chick. I'd be willing to accept that she's right-handed on the account that she also doubts if she is as smart as she thinks she is. She didn't want to go 9-for-9. She's a clever one...

Everything Coming Up Little Fella: Chelsea to Nike, Harley to get Her Own Film

(The Hollywood Reporter) - Months ahead of the opening of Suicide Squad, Warner Bros. is already contemplating a spinoff for the DC Entertainment anti-heroine, Harley Quinn. 

Margot Robbie, who stars as the villainess in Suicide Squad, is attached to reprise the character and would also produce the untitled spinoff, The Hollywood Reporter has learned. 

But in an interesting twist, the project is not a Quinn solo movie. Rather, it would focus on several of DC’s female heroes and villains.

What a world! Huge day for your boy. Does this mean that I don't have to watch the inevitable train wreck that will be Suicide Squad? Can I just wait until it shows up On Demand and watch Harley's scenes?

I'm already pissed enough that she dropped the jersey accent, but this is helping. Also, get the rest of the female "heroes and villains" out of there. If we learned anything from Christopher Nolan, it's that one villain star is enough. The other just take away screen time. Looking at you, Eckhart.

You have the hottest female actress in the game playing the hottest villainess in the world. Don't make this harder than it has to be. Let momma go to work and stay out of her way.

(Telegraph) - Chelsea have agreed a stunning £60 million-a-year kit deal with Nike that will help the club to continue to compete at the top end of the transfer market, despite failing to qualify for the Champions League.

Telegraph Sport understands the deal with Nike is worth double to Chelsea than their current £30m-a-year sponsorship deal with Adidas, which the club last week confirmed will come to an end next season.

In the Premier League, Chelsea’s Nike contract is twice what Arsenal are paid by Puma and is more than three times what Manchester City earn from Nike, although City’s deal is due to expire in 2019 and could soon be renegotiated.

HA! Suck it, Gunners!

Doubling their kit sponsorship income will give Chelsea an extra £30m-a-year in Financial Fair Play leeway from next summer, which could not have come at a better time following the club’s failure to qualify for next season’s Champions League.

Just an absolute whirlwind of a day. Tickling documentaries that turn into a Saw reboot, Harley Quinn's getting her own movie, and now my beloved Blues are doing the right thing by going to Nike. I don't take full responsibility for this move, just most of it.

I really can't express how much I love the move. First you pay shitty Adidas to get them out of the joint while also negotiating a deal that will pay you more money so that you can go buy more players. (Fingers crossed we buy back Lukaku. That would be my favorite move ever.)

What a day! What a world. #Blessed
  

HBO Documentary "Tickled" Trailer Takes Quite the Left Turn

Well that took a left turn. Here I am expecting to watch a documentary on some weirdos and Saw breaks out. Like seriously is this a documentary or a posthumous Stieg Larsson novel.

Coming to HBO this June, The Guy with the Tickling Taboo.

PS - In.

Bron Bron's Lifetime Deal with Nike is Worth Over $1 billion

(Business Insider) - When LeBron James and Nike inked a lifetime endorsement deal at the end of 2015, the terms of it were never reported.

This led to speculation that the number attached to the deal could be north of $30 million per year. Over the remainder of James' life, this would put the figure in the ballpark of $1 billion.

On Tuesday, Maverick Carter — James' longtime business partner — appeared to tell GQ that the figure was, in fact, north of $1 billion.

In an exchange with GQ writer Mark Anthony Green, Carter said that he wouldn't give the exact figure. But when Green pushed and said that he'd heard $1 billion, Carter coyly said nothing. But his gesture gave it away.

Here's the exchange:

How much was the deal for?

I can't say.

Come on, Mav! Can you ballpark it?

What are people saying?

Kanye said a billion. So a billion.


[Maverick smiles and points one finger skyward.]

I mean I get it. It's good to be the King, but the Queen of England is only worth $500 million. I mean holy shit.

How on earth is this a good investment? I get that he's the best player alive (please stop Steph fan boys. Give me the 6'9" 249 lbs(wink, wink) guy that can beat you any way that he wants.), but there's no way on God's green earth that he moves a billion dollars worth of merch, ever.

I often hate Lebron for the fact that he's the most petty, childish super star ever, but now I get it. Someone literally said, "Here's a billion dollars. You're worth it." I might have an ego too.

Good News! I Fixed Rory's Game for M...Him

(Source) - Rory McIlroy is suffering from a lack of focus, according to Paul McGinley, who feels the Northern Irishman should heed the advice of Arnold Palmer.

After a final-round 70 at Sawgrass, McIlroy conceded that he shanked his tee shot at the 13th into the water hazard because he was still cross with himself for missing a putt on the previous hole.

The four-time major winner said afterwards that his game "was just not clicking" and McGinley believes McIlroy needs to improve his ability to put poor shots quickly behind him.

"Arnold Palmer had a quote that I didn't understand when I was a boy, but now I understand it," McGinley said in quotes reported by the Irish Sun. "He used to say, 'The greatest gift you need mentally in this game is the ability to forget'.

"I don't think his putting is his problem. His concentration levels are down.

First, is "cross with himself" an actual thing? Can you really say that? Like is it the same as saying a pass on FIFA was "sensible"? Because if so, I'm all in on this phrase. Nothing makes you sound smarter than say an athletic play was sensible. You just ooze proper.

Second, I totally agree here. Everyone wants to blame his putter, but that's simply not the issue. Take a look at his putting statistics.

The numbers make no sense. He's the best putter on tour in Round 2. Even if you want to say pressure is the biggest factor, his Round 4 numbers make less sense. Even more so, he's 171st on tour from three feet but is 127 spots better from four feet. However, he's 173rd on Tour from five feet yet somehow 45th on tour from six. Remember shitty putters are shitty all the time. That's kind of their thing.

He's ninth on Tour on average distance of putts made yet 118th in strokes gained putting. The numbers are on drugs, which consequently is what Rory should be too, and I'm not talking recreational. I mean perspription, adderall or vyvanse, to be specific. AKA performance enhancing drugs as we used to say in school.

Nothing makes a 10-page paper a breeze quite like good ole Addy.

Listen, it's not like I'm telling him to abuse drugs. Anyone that wears these in public shows an extreme lack of focus.

There's not a psychiatrist in the country that wouldn't be alarmed by this cry for help. He's have that script within the hour. No need to thank me. Not all heroes wear capes.

Will Ferrell Turned Down the Role of John in Wedding Crahsers

Will Ferrell told us that he was asked by Vince Vaughn to co-star in Wedding Crashers and he turned it down. Discuss.

— Paul Pabst (@PaulPabst) May 17, 2016

Will Ferrell stopped by the Dan Patrick Show for the entire second hour and was great. I highly recommend that you either download the second hour podcast or listen to it on the show's website.

One of the biggest reveals in the appearance came toward the latter part of the hour when he told Patrick that the biggest role he turned down was that of John Beckwith in Wedding Crashers. He didn't turn it down because of a schedule conflict either. He simply read the part and said, "Eh, I'm good."

He later elaborated that he thought Vince Vaughn's character and role was extremely funny but that John just wasn't. He also admitted that he had no idea that the movie would be such a hit, a fact that he later thought should have been obvious.

While it would be easy to quote his cameo's appearance, "What an IDIOT!", I actually don't think the movie is better with him as John. It's tough to picture him improving the film as the straight guy while also remembering that we would lose his performance as Chazz Reinhold. I simply can't see anyone else playing that role with as much payoff as Ferrell. Remember the first time you saw the movie and the excitement you felt when you realized that it was Ferrell? I just don't think anyone else given that time and place would have delivered the same payoff.

This same line of reasoning is why I personally love Old School the most of all the frat pack movies films. Each man plays to his strengths. Vaughn is snarky and full of one-liners, Ferrell delivers the outrageous moments, Piven plays the ass hole, and Luke Wilson ties the story together.

PS - Ferrell wore the sneakers from the streaking scene in Old School to the show. He didn't own them either. They were part of wardrobe. Love that.

The Players Championship Preview

The Players Championship begins tomorrow, and we'll get to hear NBC and Golf Channel spark a debate among themselves that no one else cares about - should The Players be a major?

Even though I view the debate as insincere fodder designed by the Tour to attempt to make its flagship event a major for financial reasons, the tournament is always exciting and features one of the most recognizable courses and one of the most famous holes in American golf, the Island (Cue the blowhards that remind you, "It's actually a peninsula,".) Green of the par-3 17th hole.

The TPC Sawgrass underwent major renovations in 2007 that were actually well receive by most players. Since the course was significantly renovated in 2007, that will be the starting point of the preview.

Phil Mickelson won the first Players that was contested on the newly revamped Sawgrass. He entered the event ranked No. 3 in the world. Following Mickelson's victory, only three winners have been ranked outside of the top-20 in the Official World Golf Rankings: Tim Clark in 2010 (40th), K.J, Choi in 2011 (34th), and Martin Kaymer in 2014 (61st). Kaymer should be treated as somewhat of an exception as he would go on to win the U.S. Open the following month at Pinehurst No. 2 and would finish 2014 ranked 12th in the world, and he is the first player in history to win the Players and U.S. Open in the same season.

The course was both designed and renovated by Pete Dye, a fact that is probably useless to put in writing because if you're a golf fan, you're yelling, "WE KNOW!" as you read, and if you're not, you don't care. I mention the fact because Pete Dye courses are typically thought to ball-strikers' golf courses that put a premium on hitting fairways and greens - a novel concept, I know.

Since 2007, all but three winners of the golf tournament have been ranked in the top-25 of either strokes gained tee-to-green or a combination of strokes gained on approach shots and strokes gained off-the-tee. The exceptions are Kaymer, Clark, and Henrik Stenson in 2009. All of those players have a reputation for being great ball strikers when they are playing well, and Stenson is one of the most respected ball strikers in the world.

Another trend from winners is that each winner made the cut the previous year and three of the winners finished inside the top-8. Additionally no one has repeated as champion at The Players, and no one has won more than one title since the renovations.

Therefore, when picking a winner, look for a player that is inside the Top-20 in the OWGR, top-25 in strokes gained tee-to-green/combination of strokes gained on approach shots and strokes gained off-the-tee, made the cut the previous year but hasn't won the title yet, and has success on at the venue.

Here are players that fit the criteria above - Rory McIlroy, Bubba Watson, Adam Scott, Dustin Johnson, Branden Grace, Patrick Reed, and Hideki Matsuyama. Just missing the cut because of OWGR are Charl Schwartzel (21st), Kevin Na (26th), Marc Leishman (35th), Chris Kirk (50th), Graham DeLaet (126th), and Alex Cejka (149th).

Since 2007 only two winners had won at least one tournament worldwide prior to his arrival at Sawgrass - Tiger Woods (Farmers Insurance, WGC-Cadillac Championship, Arnold Palmer Invitational) and Phil Mickelson (AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am). Scott, Watson, Grace, and Matsuyama have all won previously this season. However, one of Adam Scott's wins was the Cadillac Championship like Woods while his other was the Honda Classic. Both are Florida golf tournaments like The Players.

Now, we have to narrow the list from there. Adam Scott is a world-class player, but I don't put him in the class of Mickelson or Woods, so begrudgingly, I will leave him on the table. Bubba Watson's best finish at the event is a tie for 37th, and no one wants to pull for Bubba, so he gone. Sucks to suck.

Therefore, that leaves us with Rors (angels sing), DJ, and Fatrick Reed. If you want to take Dustin Johnson, be my guest, but the finish at the Stadium Course is pressure packed and requires clutch shot after clutch shot. No thank you. I wouldn't have much of an argument if you made the case for Reed. Hell, I just did, but I think that currently there is a clear gap between Day, Spieth, and McIlroy and the rest of the field. Rory finished inside the top-10 last year at the event and has three consecutive top-10 finishes at the PGA Tour's flagship event. Selfishly, I would love to see him win because he's my guy, and I would love to see him have a big win heading into the summer with Spieth, Day, and McIlroy's winning four-of-the-last-six huge events worldwide.

THROW IT TO ME!!!

Ride or Die baby.  

      

Will McAvoy Lays the Smackdown on the Election of 2016's Candy Ass

Slow clap. I mean that's basically the perfect summarization of the current political climate. The media can't stop covering Trump because they think that the more they show him that the more they will expose him. How's that strategy working?

Don't give me the ratings argument either. Yes, the GOP Debates have been highly ranked but cable news ratings aren't much 

I don't think any group of people on the planet understand the way business or even the world works less than media. (Maybe academia, but they're all cut from the same cloth, ideologues.)  

I know The Newsroom went away with a whimper, but I think we can all agree that it had its moments. Season 1 was good TV, 2 was watchable, and 3...well 2-for-3 still is hall of fame stuff in baseball. Sorkin gonna Sorkin. I'm not sure there's anyone alive that I enjoy his work more that I want to hang out with less than Sorkin. He just seems like the worst kind of blowhard, yet I still am able to enjoy his work. See people, that is possible.

Also, Jeff Daniels is an absolute treasure. I just love him. Here's my favorite interview with him ever. The 5:46 mark where he describes his fate as a Lions fan is everything.

Jerry Reese's Greatest Hits Tour Keeps Rolling On. Turns out Eli Apple Might Have Been a Reach Afterall.

(Business Insider) - The New York Giants surprised the NFL world during the first round of the draft when they took Ohio State cornerback Eli Apple with the tenth pick.

Though Apple was considered a first-round talent, mock drafts mostly had him going lower, and few of them had the Giants taking him with a pick many felt they needed to nail.

ESPN's NFL insider John Clayton recently discussed the pick on 97.5 The Fanatic, and said that it appears Apple wasn't really the Giants' first choice. Instead, the team had an "intelligence failure" that led them to "reach" for Apple.

Clayton said:

"For the Giants, clearly it was intelligence failure. It wasn't intelligence as far as the selection, but the intelligence in the office, because I was hearing, like everyone else, that John Mara wanted to take Jack Conklin. He was going to try [to] push Jerry Reese to do that. 

"However, Jerry and the staff were looking to take Leonard Floyd. ... Guess what, two teams jumped the Giants and now they had to reach a little bit to take Eli Apple. That kind of diminishes it a little bit."

Clearly, this isn't a ringing endorsement for the Giants front office. 

Ya think?!?!?

Prior to the draft, teams like to put out smokescreens to hide their intentions of whom they plan to draft. From what Clayton says, it sounds like the Giants did a horrible job of that, as their top two prospects were snagged before the tenth pick, with the Bears actually jumping them in a trade to take Floyd with the ninth pick.

Furthermore, if the Giants weren't entirely sold on Apple as the tenth pick, it shows a lack of quick thinking to not try to trade down, select Apple or another prospect lower, and get an extra pick in the process.

Wouldn't life be great if you got the blind support that sports executives did in your everyday life? People actually defend Jerry Reese because "he knows more football than I do". That may be true (although the evidence is shaky at best), but could you imagine how awesome life would be if whenever you got questioned, you could just have some catchall that says I know more and the accuser just has to shut up? That's like my dream.

"Jeffrey, tripling down on Carolina at halftime when they haven't scored an offensive touchdown is a stupid move."

"Well what do you know. You've never tripled down on Carolina before."

What an absolute shit show the Giants' front office is. No one takes them seriously, not even their peers.

In fairness though, if you haven't ever traded down in the draft ever, no need to start now. If ain't broke, don't fix it, right Jer? Ill-advised panic moves always work out.

I picture after they made the pick, Reese had to be thinking like Constanza was in "The Fire".

"Uh...Tunsil, Tunisl smoked weed. We need a sure thing in this draft, so let's just say that Apple was the highest rated prospect on our board with no issues."

"But that's the dumbest logic ever."

"It may seem like that to the untrained eye, but a true leader always knows what's best."

"We have holes on top of holes, and you want to take a corner that is a man specialist with a defense that plays primarily zone."

"CHARACTER, LEADER, CHARACTER, LEADER. GREAT MOM! Actually write that down. His mom is a hit, so let's get her front and center as much as possible to keep people from recognizing how he looks in coverage."

In case you forgot.

Sterling Shepard vs Eli Apple 2.0 #Giants pic.twitter.com/kTwyHLsqlJ

— Art Stapleton (@art_stapleton) May 6, 2016

Jerry Reese is still employed by my football team while Dave Joeger was fired by my hoops team. That's my life in a nutshell.

This Is Why We Cannot Judge. Aspiring Model/Actress Hit in the Face by a Drone

(TMZ) - Jess Adams was helping a photographer friend Saturday with a clothing shoot in Malibu. Jess, who's appeared on "Community," says it was her first time working with a drone.

Jess doesn't think it was a piloting error ... rather the drone rode a gust of wind directly into her face.

She suffered a few scrapes and bruises, but still got checked out in the ER. Jess is handling it like a champ, saying ... "If you're gonna get hit in the face with a drone better at least be able to watch it and die laughing."

First, had I known before I read the article that she had been appeared on Community, I would have gone with Actress/Model.

Second, uh...no duh it wasn't a piloting error. I've seen this scene a million times in Malibu. 

"Hey, I need help promoting my line. Wanna go down to Point Dume and do some modeling? I This could be just the thing to get us into the industry."

Newsflash, sweetie pea, the only thing that he wants to get into is you.

I remember thinking the same thing in college and the thought still won't go away. Does this move get these guys laid? Because if so, that's the marketing direction that Canon and Nikon need to explore.

The Rebel T5 by Canon, with just the right amount of bull shit and decent lighting, it'll get you laid. That would move some units. Plus, you could take that MSRP up like double at the minimum because guys will do anything if they think it will get them with a hot chick.

Don't believe me? Compare a guy's tinder searching to a girls. Notice that one segment has higher presence of the opposite sex that links directly to paid cam sites. Hint - it's not a girl's Tinder. You're welcome, high-end camera industry. That was free advice.

Anyway here's more of Jess' "work"

Once-in-a-generation talent there.

Cal puts America's Coach in a box

(ESPN) - They’re battling for the best prep talent in America. So they’re competitors, not buddies. Today’s post from John Calipari, which appears to slight Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski’s recruiting tactics, proves as much.

Two weeks ago, five-star talent Hamidou Diallo (ranked 17th in the 2017 class, per Recruiting Nation), who reportedly received scholarship offers from Duke and Kentucky in recent weeks, detailed the differences between the pitches made by Calipari and Krzyzewski in a conversation with the Louisville Courier-Journal.

“Kentucky’s pitch was just the NBA thing,” Diallo told the Courier-Journal. “Duke’s pitch was if you come to Duke, you’re going to be set for life. It’s more than just basketball. [John Calipari’s] pitch was he gets guys ready for the next level. Look at the numbers: it shows. It’s the best place for you if you want to make it to the NBA.”

On Monday, Calipari appeared to respond to Duke’s “set for life” pitch to Diallo in the second installment of a CoachCal.com offseason series about the Kentucky program titled, “The vision of the program: Where we’re going.”


“I refuse to go in a home and paint a picture saying things like, ‘If you come with us you’ll be taken care of for the rest of your life by the program and by our alums,’ even though you may only be in school for a year or two,” Calipari said. “How preposterous does that sound? What if I say that same thing and the young man decides to transfer for one reason or another? Does that still hold true that we’re going to take care of them the rest of their lives? Our approach is to give them the fishing rod and the lures to help them catch fish, not to just give you the fish.”

Take my breath away, Cal. I can't put into words how much I love this move. No one's BS goes more unchecked than Coach K America's coach. Get caught in a lie? Say you acted inappropriately. Boom. Done. Moving on.  

You're the self-proclaimed moral compass of college basketball. If you give a wonderful non apology, every Pat Forde in the world will talk about what a first-class guy you are and how America is so lucky to have you leading young men.

Say what you want about Cal, but at least he's up-front. He openly admitted that the way to success in today's college basketball was to get the best players, aka one-and-dones while Coach USA claimed to take a moral high ground...until he kept losing. Then all the sudden, it became possible to be a life-long Duke man even if you were there for eight months. Remember Duke is something that lives inside you whether or not you live at Duke.

Just remember though, Coach USA isn't a sore loser. He congratulated Mercer once.

I'm sure it was completely coincidence that the ACC Digital Network cameras happened to be at the right place at the precisely right time.

Megan Fox, Thespian

(Source) - Sex symbol Megan Fox has vowed never to film an X-rated scene again in case it affects her children.

She was a prostitute in 2010 film "Jonah Hex," starred in Eminem and Rihanna’s saucy "Love The Way You Lie" video the same year and kissed Amanda Seyfried’s character in 2009’s "Jennifer’s Body."

But since becoming a mum to sons Noah, three, and Bodhi, two, the 29-year-old has turned down some of the raunchier roles she has been offered.

“There are some good projects I’ve read that are with talented people, talented directors, but the things the women are required to do in the movie are things I can’t have my sons ever know or see.

“I was offered a project that’s coming out on HBO that centres around the life of a prostitute and it has very graphic sex scenes — things you would see in a pornographic film — and those are things that are degrading to the woman who’s playing the character."

Uh, does she plan on erasing essentially every movie film that she has ever made? We have seen her play an extremely convincing escort in This is 40.

I do love how she thinks that seeing their mom's "acting" is somehow going to be more scarring than reading about the fact that she actually said that she fell in love with and sought to establish a relationship with a female stripper at 18 years old or speaks in tongues. But, yeah, seeing some tasteful nudity on late-night HBO is way worse.

The good news for us though is that now we get to really see Fox go to work. I mean really explore some characters and the subtleties of the human experience. Megan Fox - Actress.

Good News! We have video that JJ Watt can indeed swing a golf club

.@JJWatt at the #Texans annual Charity Golf Classic pic.twitter.com/KW5g7tIx6v

— Mark Berman (@MarkBermanFox26) May 9, 2016

I was beginning to worry. I mean how would we know if JJ can blast a drive if he didn't do it on social media? Sure, the fact that he can put up 225 lbs. 35 times on the bench is a decent indicator, but now we know. Thank you, JJ.

I'm sure people will say that it's not JJ's fault that someone else filmed him. Sure, if we didn't have countless other examples of JJ just out there inspiring little kids by showing them what they can never achieve. I hope all those kids have learned the valuable lesson that if you're a football player, you better tweet or snap chat your workouts. Otherwise, no one will know that you're doing your job, and that's the point. It's not enough to do your job. You have to be seen doing your job 24/7.

Remember success isn't earned. It's rented, and rent's due everyday.

Good News! I've Found My Next Driver

Last night's TV lineup was one for the ages and not in a good way. Two meaningful games, Cavs v. Hawks (One could argue calling that a playoff game diminishes the value of a playoff game) and Penguins v. the Caps, were all that we had. The terror that is July TV is fast approaching. Equally as terrifying is what caught my eye on TV3; Christian Hackenberg hits the same driver that I do.

I don't even know why I'm anti-Hackenberg, but I just know that I am. He actually checks the boxes for me, big arm, murders a uniform, strong towel, placement, prone to make either an amazing throw or a horrific one equally at any given moment for no rhyme or reason, and of course, good looking. 

I think I'm out on him because he's the Marco Rubio of quarterbacks. He looks the part until he actually has to perform and then there's not much there. He might be the team captain of the Looks like a QB until the Ball is Snapped team. The Jets' drafting him was all the proof I needed to know that I was right about the guy.

So, the obvious conclusion is that I have to get a new driver. I see no other way around it. It was bad enough knowing that Bubba Watson was hitting it too and that it didn't say Titleist on it, but this put me over the edge. After some quick research I think we found the clubhouse leader.

BOOM! POW! Problem solved. I need the Hammer X like I need air to breathe. I don't want it either. I NEEEEED it. Like Yesterday. It's pretty obvious that the Hammer X will take my game to the moon. I kinda feel sorry for everyone that has to play with me now.